Refuse to Feel (Anything at All)
by Sugar Orion
Summary: A twist of fate leaves Obi-Wan with a new Master and a demon to contend with. Added new Chapter, a prequel to Chapter One. Please Read and Review!
1. Prequel

** Refuse to Feel (Anything at All): Prequel** **By: Kyra c/o mike_comrie89@hotmail.com**

Title: Refuse to Feel (Anything at All): Prequel   
Author: Kyra   
Rating: PG   
Archive: Well Sure! All press is good press!   
Feedback: Please…please…I'm dying…   
Summary: Some of the events that occured before the full story played out. Xanatos must accept some things before he can move on.   
Warnings: If you don't read this, you will die. Seriously.   
Disclaimer: This was the original beginning of 'Refuse to Feel' but I opted out of it. I didn't like how it started off, and the beginning is a very crucial thing to me. I wont finish a story if I don't like the beginning. Please give me feedback, because it will help me write something over the summer. If you don't, all I will do it sleep. You don't want that. I own nothing. 

The Jedi Knights hand set lightly on the window pane. His cool midnight eyes focused on the night cityscape beyond his hand. The lights flickered and reflected off the glistening metal and smooth plaster of the buildings. The moment froze; lost in some sort of haze, he nearly forgot to breathe. He blinked, before responding to his companion's comment. 

"Why call on me if there's nothing I can do?" 

Jedi councilor, Mace Windu, let out a heavy sigh. "There is not much any of us could do, but it seems we've gotten some one who has risen from the dead. We thought we lost them both, and now we have one back. That's something to be thankful for." 

The knight snorted. "The Force does what it may." He paused. "I do not think he's dead. I would have felt it." 

Windu shrugged. "I can't make you believe, but you've got to. We've got the boy to think of. He needs help."

The knight's face was blank as he kept staring out onto the city. "How is it that he got back?"

"He was found on a dirt road, slightly beaten and incoherent. They brought him to the Republic Embassy in the capital. He didn't speak much, and hasn't spoke since he got back. He can't, or wont, tell us who did it. It could have been mercenaries, rebels…it was a bad planet." 

The knight kept a rude comment under his breath, and stood silent. His usual stance was hard to maintain when his knees threatened to buckle at any moment. Why now? Why had this happened? It couldn't have, none of it could. He would have known. The Force would have told him. It was bad when he had thought both his master and his master's padawan had been dead. Now, he had to deal with the emotions he had buried those five months ago. 

"Again, we have to think of Obi-Wan. He has hardly spoken, and will barely respond to anything we ask him. His mind is tainted, and he still has many scars. We have assigned you to him." Mace commanded, though it was a light tone. 

The knight turned with his eyes narrowed. "Never have I been allowed to take a Padawan, until now. And this is a tarnished, broken, boy. I find it hard to believe you can look passed the skinned knees and tears, Master, and see him fit." 

"Sometimes, Knight MesTelos, we have to look past the scars and scratches," His voice dipped, hitting home to Xanatos, "or else we will never see the good within. Your Master told us that, and we believed him. Can we trust you now, or was he wrong?" 

Xanatos' eyes burnt, and his hands coiled into fists. He turned back to the window before he did something rash. He took a deep breath, and let made a promise to release his emotions to the Force, later. Now he had something more serious to deal with. Should I? He pondered. Can I? He closed his eyes, searching his mind for the answer. He sighed. "I'll take him as my Padawan, if you promise to let things go my way. No interference. I'll ask for help when I need or want it." 

"We can't promise the world, Xanatos, but we can try. He's in the med-bay, when you are ready." Mace took a step back, and started to turn for the door, when he was stopped by Xanatos' voice. 

"You can trust me, Master Windu." His voice was quiet, and almost a whisper. 

Mace nodded. "We hope so."

Xanatos did his best to look normal. He smiled lightly to people he passed on his way to the med-bay. He kept his shoulders from being slumped, and walked with some of his regular bravado. He did catch some knights' eyes, and they were sympathetic. As they usually were. Of course, he didn't respond to them. He hated being pitied, but was getting used to it.

"You can go in." The Healer told him when he asked for Obi-Wan's room. Xanatos gave a nod, and entered. 

He stopped instantly when he entered the small room. He cocked his head, as his eyes met with the other member of the room. 

"Kym?" He breathed. 

Kym Ly nodded, her blond hair bobbing slightly. She gave a small smile to Xanatos, who looked even paler than usual. "Don't look so shocked, Xanatos. I was his Padawan too." 

Xanatos swallowed. "I know. I just…" 

"Didn't expect me here?" She stood from her chair. "I came to see Obi-Wan." 

"So did I." Xanatos eyed her, as politely as he could, then let his eyes sweep to Obi-Wan. "He's sleeping." 

"Of course he is. He's been sleeping or staring blankly ever since they found him." Her jade eyes fell from Xanatos to the small shape under the covers. "He looks so small." 

"I noticed." 

"I see your manners haven't improved." Her voice was low, and quiet. 

"I see you're still intruding in other people's business." Xanatos folded his hands behind his back. "He's my Padawan, Kym, not yours. The council chose me." 

"But do you know what to do with a Padawan?" 

Xanatos shoulders sagged, and looked back to the door. "I don't know what I'm doing." 

"That's rare." She replied. 

He still stared at the door. 

"It's all right to grieve, Xanatos." Kym said softly. 

Xanatos forehead contorted. "I do not intend to grieve. He's not dead. I would have felt it. They tried to make me believe that by making me go to that memorial service. I didn't see you there. I guess they only made me go, because they keep me on such a short leash." 

Kym's eye narrowed. "The world doesn't revolve around you, Xanatos. He's gone for all of us, not just you." 

"Let me deal with my grieve in my own way, Ly. You do not control me." He answered bitterly. He had never gotten along well with Qui-Gon's earliest Padawan. He refused to believe she was ever truly in the same league as he. Kym had been assigned to Qui-Gon due to similar circumstances that Obi-Wan had been assigned to him. Her master had been killed on a mission when she was less than two years from being knighted. Qui-Gon, knighted only a few years before, had picked up the charity case in his usual fashion. 

"Who will control you now, MesTelos? Who will control your grieve? You can't. You haven't been on your own for a mission. You haven't taken a Padawan before. All because the council doesn't trust you." Her voice rose, angrily. 

"They do trust me, Kym." Xanatos met her eyes, and rose up to his full height. "Now, leave me alone. And stay away from my Padawan." 

Kym's face fell, and she looked as if she was going to give an answer, but she just turned away, and stalked passed Xanatos. She paused, and took a cooling breath. "They only let me leave the Rim situation to see Obi-Wan. I wont be back for a while, Xan. Maybe that will give you some time to reconsider your words, and sort out your feelings." 

Now alone, Xanatos finally let himself study Obi-Wan. He did look small. He was fifteen, now, and looked like a small child. Xanatos could remember Obi-Wan from before he had left for the mission, and how he was finally started to get more confidence in himself, and his abilities. Now, it was probably all gone. He didn't look injured, but he had been through much treatment already. But there was a scratch that crossed his forehead. 

Xanatos rubbed his eyes, and found his way to the chair, where he slept that night.

Cont. in Chapter One.


	2. Chapter One

**

##  Refuse to Feel (Anything at All)

** **By: Kyra c/o obiwan_padawan@hotmail.com**

Title: Refuse to Feel (Anything at All)   
Author: Kyra   
Rating: PG-13   
Archive: Well Sure! All press is good press!   
Feedback: Please…please…I'm dying…   
Summary: Sometimes, the path not taken ends up same in the end.   
Warnings: Descriptions of suicide. Not really dark.   
Disclaimer: I don't own them. Yes, I got the name Jericho from WWF superstar Chris Jericho. It's a good show. As for the XFL, that's another story…The song I used for inspiration (which I need a lot of…) is from the Life House C.D No Name Face that's copy written by BMI. Well, on with the slop fest! 

* * *

**Simon**   
_Lifehouse   
Catch your breath hit the wall   
Scream out loud as you start to crawl   
Back in your cage the only place where they will leave you alone   
'Cause the weak will see the weaker until they've broken them   
Could you get it back again would it be the same   
Fulfillment to their lack of strength at you expense   
Left you with no defense they tore it down   
And I have felt the same as you   
I've felt the same as you   
I've felt the same   
Locked inside the only place where you feel sheltered   
Where you feel safe you lost yourself   
In your search to find something else to hide behind   
The fearful always preyed upon your confidence   
Did they see the consequence when they pushed you around   
The arrogant build kingdoms made of the different ones   
Breaking them 'til they've become just another crown   
Refuse to feel anything at all   
Refuse to slip refuse to fall   
Can't be weak can't stand still   
Watch your back cause no one will   
You don't know why they had to go this far   
Traded your worth for these scars for your only company   
Don't believe the lies that they have told to you   
Not one word was true   
You're all right, you're all right   
You're all right_

* * *

**Chapter One**

Xanatos MesToles felt useless, standing in the doorway of his apartment in the Jedi Temple. His mouth was dry, and his hands were near trembling. The horrible feeling in the pit of his stomach, the one that had started seven months ago, was at its peak. He finally swallowed, and gave a nod to his companion. 

"Come in. We shouldn't stand in the hall all day."

Obi-Wan Kenobi, who seemed more content to stare at his boots, kept his head low and ducked inside the apartment. Xanatos' dark eyes followed the boy, before entering as well. 

Xanatos fumbled awkwardly for words as he looked around the common room, wanting and trying to find something to say. He saw Obi-Wan take the apartment in with a single sweep of his eyes, before looking down at the tiling. Xanatos tried to smile, but managed only a smirk. 

"Home sweet home." His mild tone didn't offer a reply from Obi-Wan. The boy didn't even look up. Shaking his head, after a moment of regret at his comment, Xanatos cleared his throat. "Let's get you settled, then. We don't need Master Windu to come in here and tell you how to unpack, do we?" Obi-Wan gave a small nod, but didn't say anything. 

"Right," Xanatos wanted to reach out, and put a hand on Obi-Wan's shoulder, but shied away. "Your room is the first to the right. I've already gotten some of your things from…from you're old apartment." 

Obi-Wan didn't look up, but said in a small voice. "You went through our things?" 

"Well, I…" Xanatos lost his voice. "They didn't expect you back. They were readying it for storage." 

Obi-Wan, after a moments thought, nodded. He finally started towards the room Xanatos had mentioned, and disappeared within. Xanatos ran a shaking hand through his hair, and slumped down on his couch. He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, and putting his face in his hands. 

"Master, how did this happen?" He whispered to himself. He shook his head, knowing in the back of his mind the answer. 

Obi-Wan was under his care now, that's what he had to think about, not something he couldn't change. He knew it now, and seven months ago when Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon first went missing. Everyone had given up nearly five months after the disappearance. There was a memorial service, that Xanatos attended, and their apartment had been readied for storage. Xanatos had prepared Obi-Wan's things when news had come in that Obi-Wan had come back from the dead. 

That morning a week ago, the memory still very fresh in his mind, was when all of his hopes had been dashed. He had still held out that they might come back. But now, the report was final. Only Obi-Wan had been found wandering down a dirt back road on a distant Thissi Moon. He was brought to a Republic Embassy in relatively good shape. But he hardly spoke. The few details they had gotten from him were that he was a Jedi, and his Master was dead. 

Dead. Dead? Xanatos still didn't want to believe it. Even now that everything had been finalized, and Obi-Wan was officially his Padawan. 

Xanatos clenched his fists at the thought. The council had only done that out of pity for him and Obi-Wan. He had been given so many second chances over the years it wasn't funny. They still looked at him like he was incompetent, and unable to handle himself on a mission alone. They still watched him, and monitored his every move, even though he had been granted his knighthood long ago. 

Angered, he finally stood. He took a few cooling breaths; he had to calm himself. Be strong for Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan needed him. Though not beaten himself, it was assumed that Obi-Wan had seen some horrible things. Things that Xanatos did not want to think about. Who would have done this? Surely not what the report had summarized, in it being just an unjust group of mercenaries out for blood. But Xanatos had been told to accept it, and move on. Live in the moment. 

Running another hand through his hair, he crossed the floor to the door to Obi-Wan's room. He knocked softly and, after a long silence, there was a quiet "Come in." 

The door opened, and Xanatos entered a few steps into Obi-Wan's new room. 

He found Obi-Wan sitting in the corner of the room, huddled up with his knees up to his chin. He was rocking back and forth, looking as distant as ever. 

"Obi-Wan," Xanatos stared, "what's wrong?" 

"Everything." Obi-Wan replied. 

Xanatos sighed, and crossed the floor to kneel near the Padawan. "There isn't much I can say to reassure you, because I feel the same way. Maybe it is true that the first night back is always the hardest, I'm not certain of that, but it's what the council has told me to say." 

Obi-Wan, again, was silent. 

"It's time for bed, Obi-Wan, let me help you up." Xanatos stood, and offered his hand to Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan watched as the hand hovered near him. In a slight gesture, Obi-Wan turned away from the hand. Xanatos gazed down, wide eyed. 

Words brimmed on the edge of Xanatos' tongue, but he pushed them down. Instead, he took his hand away. He stood there, and stared. Was this the boy who he had helped choose as a padawan for Qui-Gon? This wasn't the same boy who he used to have dinner with every week. Some one had broken him. And that would give Xanatos reason for revenge to any end. 

"I'm so sorry, Obi-Wan." He whispered. After he had gotten no reply, he turned, and fled to his room. 

* * *

That night, Xanatos awoke himself to a night terror. It was normal for him to awake to nightmares, and he became used to the regular ones and the insomnia that followed. But this one was different, because he didn't forget it upon awakening. All of the others had fled his memory the moment he woke up. He hated this new, odd feeling. And the vision that haunted him. 

In the terror, he was being chased by something. He was an a familiar area, but couldn't make out where. Whomever was chasing him was going to kill him, and that feeling was clear. But Xanatos wasn't afraid for his life, just Obi-Wan's life. 

The feeling wouldn't go away, so Xanatos left his room. Not wanting to leave Obi-Wan alone, Xanatos sat out on the balcony, and stared out on the city. He didn't even try to meditate; it just didn't work any more. The Force seemed to haze around him, and wasn't at all welcoming. It hadn't bid him welcome since the last time he had spoken to Qui-Gon. 

That last visit, the one that had taken place a day before the mission to the Thissi Moon. They had spoken about Xanatos finally getting a Padawan. The council had given him permission, after much persuasion on Qui-Gon's part. Xanatos felt like he was getting on with his life. There were no more strange looks in the halls. But when they had lost contact with Qui-Gon on the moon, Xanatos had called off his choosing, and wanted to help in the search. Nothing could be found, and Xanatos had lost it. 

He was such a screw up. What had happened to him? He used to do everything perfectly. He had been faultless. He could take on any task and do it with excellent results. He was a success, and would be knighted at an early age. But then he went and screwed things up, and no one would listen to him. 

Except his master. 

But now his master was gone, and he was pathetic and looked down upon again. 

He clenched his teeth together, and pulled himself to his feet. He turned back into his apartment, and punched the wall. Weakling! 

"Stupid fool, can't you do anything without your master? Whiny, pathetic, fool…." He muttered to himself. He narrowed his eyes. "Miserable wretch!" 

His hands began to shake, and he curled them into fists. Not now…

"Oh Master…things aren't right with me." He sighed. He ran a hand through his hair, and then shuffled back to his room. With a swishing click, his door closed. He never saw Obi-Wan sitting in the common room, in a dark corner, watching him. 

* * *

"Knight MesToles," The secretary Healer stood, and raised a questioning gaze to the Knight, "We didn't expect you and Obi-Wan until this afternoon." She cocked her head. "Where is Obi-Wan? Is he not with you?" 

Xanatos shook his head, and smiled lightly. "No, Obi-Wan is spending some time with Master Billaba in the gardens. I came on my own." 

"Oh," the Healer frowned, and looked at the terminal on her desk, "We haven't got much left on our schedule, for you." 

"I believe that Master Jericho said that I could come in at any time." He leaned casually on the desk, hoping he didn't look as tired as he felt. 

"Master Jericho?" She scanned that screen, then quickly nodded. "Oh yes, it says here. You know where his office is, go on in." 

Xanatos smiled, "Thank you, leNese." 

The Healers' wing had always made Xanatos uncomfortable, but he became used to it over time. He had spent an awful lot of time here. He wouldn't have lasted if it wasn't for the help of his Master, and Master Jericho. 

The door opened just as he was about to buzz in. He was met with a very bright, cheerful, face when he stepped in. 

"Hello Xan. Holding up well?" Jericho smiled, rising from the floor and a meditation stance. 

Jericho was Xanatos' height, and build, but was at least thirty standard years older. But in Jericho's species, that didn't mean much. He still looked barely over twenty. He had sparkling blue eyes, that never seemed to loose patience. They reminded Xanatos so much of Qui-Gon that it hurt. 

"Not well, and barely holding." Xanatos sighed. "I didn't have a good night." 

Jericho nodded, and took a seat behind his desk. "Sit. Talk." 

Xanatos did so. "I had a nightmare." 

"One that you remembered?" Jericho stared back, folding his hands on the desk and leaning back in his chair. 

Xanatos, dropping his eyes, nodded. 

"Eyes up, Xan. Don't let the negotiation skills you learnt from Qui-Gon go to waste. It's not good measure to drop your eyes when you are bargaining with people's lives, especially yours." Jericho licked his lips. "What do remember about the dream?" 

"It wasn't a dream," Xanatos looked up quickly, "It was a nightmare." 

"There is a fine line between nightmare and dream. A dream could offer guidance, premonitions, or just be random flashes of energy. Nightmares are hardly different; they just frighten you. Draw the line, Xan. What can you draw from this 'nightmare', if you so insist to call it." Jericho made sure his eyes locked with Xanatos. 

Xanatos didn't cringe away from the look. "I was being chased by some one." 

"Some one of something?" 

"Some one, I'm sure of that now. He was going to kill me, and hurt Obi-Wan." Xanatos pursed his lips, and looked down at his hands, then quickly back up again. "It felt real, Jericho. But my Master always taught me not to put too much trust in dreams." 

Jericho smiled. "Sometimes, one has to take a leap. Remember when you used to take leaps, Xan? Go outside the lines, and do things your own way." 

"Because my way was always right." Xanatos answered. 

Jericho's grin widened. "You are a hypocrite in the true sense of the word, Xan. More hypocritical that your Master." 

Xanatos narrowed his eyes. "I came here for comfort and explanations, not for insults and silly advice." 

"Xan, when have you ever left with what you came for?" Jericho coolly replied. 

Xanatos snorted in amusement, but didn't voice any comment. 

Jericho sighed. "How was Obi-Wan on his first night?" 

"He wont speak to me, Jericho. He just stares off into space." Xanatos smirked a little. "Can't say I blame him." 

"The trauma he's been through is something we can only imagine. I trust you have been doing a lot of imagining?" 

Xanatos picked at the fabric of his chair, then looked up at Jericho. "I have a vivid imagination." 

Jericho shook his head at Xanatos, and gave a weak smile. "You are wallowing in self pity, Xan, and you're no longer allowed to be like that. Obi-Wan is going to be in need of the Knight Xanatos that I knew barely seven months ago. The one that had finally gotten over himself, and that stupid contempt you had for yourself. Go meditate, Xan, and I'll see you later. And then, I don't expect this silly person I see now. I expect some one stronger. Can you do this, Xan?" 

Xanatos nodded, and stood. "I hope you wont give Obi-Wan these same encouraging words." 

"As far as I'm concerned, Xan," Jericho's eyes held much seriousness as he spoke, "That boy and you have a lot of courage, but you just need the brains to follow it up." 

****

End Chapter One


	3. Chapter Two

* * *

**Chapter Two**

Xanatos, true to his promise, was there when Obi-Wan's session was through. Obi-Wan barely acknowledged him, and kept his head low. Obi-Wan saw the hurt in Xanatos eyes at this, but didn't feel anything at this. He didn't feel much any more.

"Master Jericho said he is excited to see you again, Obi-Wan. He hopes we can get much accomplished, so you can return to duty." Xanatos' words sounded hollow to Obi-Wan. Just another hollow promise, just like so many before. 

Obi-Wan kept walking. Xanatos lead him down to the Healers' wing, and to Master Jericho's office. Obi-Wan remembered Jericho. They had spoken on the ship, via comm, and he had seemed nice enough. He was the one that told him he would be staying with Xanatos. That's when Obi-Wan had decided that no one was worth listening to. 

Jericho smiled a greeting, and waved them to sit down. Obi-Wan observed, out of the corner of his eye, the way how Xanatos became more relaxed in Jericho's presence. Xanatos never seemed to relax, at least around Obi-Wan. If Obi-Wan were himself, he would have some compassion towards Xanatos' predicament, but now he just observed it blankly. 

"Obi-Wan, how have you been?" Jericho asked. 

Obi-Wan shrugged. 

"Is that a 'I'm fine' shrug, or 'I don't care' shrug?" 

Obi-Wan didn't answer, but he did see the pleading look that Xanatos gave Jericho._ He's distressed. About you? Fancy that, he cares for you._

"Xan, could you leave us alone for a while. I'll call you in when we're finished." Jericho said softly. Xanatos, after a moment of thought, nodded, and left the office. 

After Xanatos left, Jericho moved out from behind his desk, and moved to sit in Xanatos' chair. "Tell me, Obi-Wan, what's you're favorite memory?" 

Obi-Wan, his eyes still down, gave a empty reply. "When I became a Padawan." 

"When Qui-Gon took you as his Padawan? Describe it to me." Jericho leaned forward, like he was interested in hearing it. 

_He's a liar. He's meant to lie. That's his job. To lie, and try to make you feel better. And to figure out what's wrong with you. But that'll be hard to do, because there are a lot of things wrong with you._

"He chose me in the morning. Xanatos had spoke to me the earlier night, and told me something important would happen the next day," Obi-Wan paused, "I thought Xanatos would choose me." 

"Were you afraid of that?" 

Obi-Wan drew out a long pause. "The Force told me that Xanatos wasn't right." 

"Have you communicated with the Force as of late, Obi-Wan? Have you decided if Xanatos is right now?" Jericho asked. 

"That Force hates me." The words rolled easily off Obi-Wan's tongue. 

There was a sudden hand on his chin, forcing him to look up. "It does not, Obi-Wan. Do not believe your own lies." 

Obi-Wan pulled his face away. "Can I go yet?" 

"No," Jericho moved away. "You shouldn't, but if you want to, you can return to your quarters. I will help you Obi-Wan; Xanatos and I will help you. But you have to accept that help, and the help of the Force, before you can heal. That's the only way." 

Obi-Wan didn't answer, but he did feel something inside of him slightly change. Could they help him? Obi-Wan looked up, and met Jericho's eyes. He felt the Force touch, as Jericho reached out to his mind. He touched the dissolved training bond, and made Obi-Wan jerk away. "That hurt." Obi-Wan whimpered, moving away from his chair, and away from Jericho. "If you want to help me, don't hurt me." 

"Obi-Wan…" Jericho started, but Obi-Wan had already gotten close enough to the door to reach the opening mechanism. 

He slammed it, and ducked outside. Obi-Wan caught the look of surprise on Xanatos face as he emerged into the hallway, but turned away from the eyes, and moved right passed him. His walk was fast, until he got out of the healers wing, but when he was in the main hall, Obi-Wan started running, and didn't look back. 

_Run. Keep running. They'll find you, though, and take you back. Back there, to watch him die. He says you'll make it out, but you wont. He's just going to die, and everything will fall apart. Just run. Maybe they wont catch you this time._

* * *

But Xanatos wasn't far behind. He followed Obi-Wan, at a light run, and caught up to him in the gardens. By then, Xanatos was growing angry with himself. This was too soon for Obi-Wan. He was reacting poorly to all of this. The little time he had to heal on the transport was not enough. Xanatos regretted stepping into this mess. 

Obi-Wan had sat down in the grass, and curled up into a ball. He didn't look up when Xanatos, now joined by Jericho and his aide, stood over him. 

Waving off Jericho, Xanatos knelt by Obi-Wan. 

"He tried to take the bond." Obi-Wan whispered. 

Xanatos swallowed. "That's only for your own good, Obi-Wan. The broken bond will not heal properly without the proper healer care. I gave him consent." 

Obi-Wan's eyes went wide. "Why?" 

"I..." Xanatos was caught with his tongue tied. "I wanted what's best for you. I always have." 

Obi-Wan turned away. 

Xanatos inwardly kicked himself. He couldn't develop any kind of relationship with Obi-Wan if he was constantly afraid of what the boy's reaction would be. His previous relationship, the one with Qui-Gon's Padawan Obi-Wan, was more of an older brother one. Now, that friendship was gone. 

Xanatos' dark eyes wandered to the water's edge. The water was clear and glistened in the light of Coruscant's sun. It was always peaceful to Xanatos. That's when an idea hit him. 

"Obi-Wan, if I could help you, would you let me?" He asked, finally clearing his mind of the question. 

Obi-Wan didn't meet his eyes, but nodded. 

"Right. Then come with me." Xanatos said, pulling Obi-Wan to his feet. Xanatos gave a small smile, as he lead Obi-Wan to a familiar room, one that had always brought him comfort. 

It didn't take Obi-Wan long to realize where they were going, and a calm look crossed his face when they arrived. "The Fountain room?" 

"Yes," Xanatos stepped inside, "It was Master's favorite place, other than the gardens. He brought me here when I was your age, but I didn't have enough sense to know the importance of it. I thought it was stupid." 

Obi-Wan drew a breath, looked like he was about to speak, but didn't. Instead, tears welled in his eyes. Xanatos, taking a ragged breath himself, drew Obi-Wan into an embrace. Obi-Wan didn't necessarily except, or reject. 

"Can you believe me now that I want to help you?" 

Obi-Wan nodded against his chest. 

The words Xanatos wanted to say were at the tip of his tongue. He wanted to tell Obi-Wan he felt the same way, and how they could make it through this together. Or how he was so scared that he was going to mess this up. Instead, he just reinforced his shields, and exhaled. "We can do this." 

* * *

Xanatos didn't wake to any nightmares that night, and was very happy with that. No nightmares meant he would have good day. He woke with the sun, and moved to the kitchen to make breakfast. He tried to keep quiet, and let Obi-Wan sleep. 

Xanatos was surprised when Obi-Wan came to the table without being called. He looked slightly more rested, but didn't meet Xanatos' eyes as he sat down. Xanatos caught a look at the bedraggled look of Obi-Wan's Padawan braid, as he put biscuits and a bowl of fruit on the table. 

Obi-Wan took a piece of fruit, and gave a quiet thank-you. 

Xanatos nodded. "Did you sleep well?" 

"Better than yesterday night." 

"Would you like me to rebraid that?" Xanatos asked, motioning to the braid. 

Obi-Wan paled, and shook his head. "No, you can't." 

Xanatos cocked his head. "But look at it, Obi-Wan, it's all frayed." 

"I know." Obi-Wan reached up, and looped the braid around his fingers. "But, it's the…it's…it's just fine the way it is." 

"All right." Xanatos agreed, hoping to alleviate the tension he had brought. "What would you like to do today?" 

Obi-Wan, his finger still twisting his braid, blinked. "Do I have a choice?" 

Xanatos swallowed. "Yes, a small one. We have an hour free, after a session with a council, and before our time with Master Jericho. Would you like to spend some time in the gardens?" 

Obi-Wan shrugged. 

"Katas in the garden?" 

Obi-Wan looked up, and nodded. "But I haven't done a kata for so long, I'm not sure I'd remember even basic." 

Xanatos gave a small grin. "Well, that will give me a chance to teach you something." 

Obi-Wan swallowed. 

Xanatos felt his mouth go dry, but he shook it off. "Are you finished?" 

Narrowing his eyes, Obi-Wan cocked his head. 

"With your breakfast." Xanatos clarified. 

"Yes." 

"Fine," Xanatos wanted to end the dead silence between them, "Go get changed. Our meeting's in an hour." 

Obi-Wan pushed away from the table, and went to his room. Xanatos watched him go, and pursed his eyebrows together. 

_Bloody hells, he wont listen to you._

Xanatos shook his head, and cleared the table. 

* * *

Some how, the pair managed to look remotely together as they stood before the council. Master Windu didn't catch the underlying confusion and conflict that were rolling around in Xanatos head, and the Knight was glad of it. Master Yoda, however, seemed more attentive to him. After light questions, he went straight to the point. 

"Knight Xanatos, ill are you?" 

Xanatos understood the question, but feigned unawareness. "I don't fell ill. What do you mean, Master?" 

Yoda studied him with his cool green eyes. "Ill your thoughts. Feel ill in your mind, you should not." 

Xanatos did not look at Obi-Wan, but sensed the younger Jedi had turned his eyes to him. "I have thoughts that are ill, Master, but I have been doing my best to remedy them." 

"Best remedy, hmm? What think you, should that be?" 

"I don't know." Xanatos blinked. 

"Bond, perhaps. Help you both it would. Both ill you are, in thoughts." Yoda sat back in his chair, leaving his eyes firmly on Xanatos. 

Xanatos nodded, but kept quiet. The rest of the meeting seemed to blur around him. He nodded when he felt he should nod, but stayed silent most of the time. He bowed at the end, letting his thoughts flow evenly. Ill of thoughts indeed. 

* * *

After the council meeting, Obi-Wan did appear more attentive. He was seeming more relaxed in Xanatos' presence, and the Knight was thankful for that. He hoped that today, they would be able to create the training bond that would be necessary to complete Obi-Wan's training. The council had approved that, if they weren't able to forge it naturally, Master Jericho could intervene, and force the bond. It wouldn't come to that, Xanatos vowed to himself as they walked to the gardens. 

Finding an open, private, place, the two shed their cloaks. Obi-Wan slow moving, as if he was resisting. Xanatos cleared his throat, when he saw Obi-Wan drifting. 

"We'll try first form, slowly." Xanatos stepped into first form, and Obi-Wan mirrored his movements. "Do you remember now?" 

"A little." Obi-Wan thought a moment. "Why was Master Yoda speaking about our bond?" 

Xanatos fumbled for words. "Because he…he is suggesting that we speed up the bonding process." 

"Why?" Obi-Wan asked. 

"I don't know. But since there is no natural bond, we may have to form one. With help." Xanatos, though not satisfied with how he put it, was pleased that Obi-Wan subsided with his questions. 

Xanatos smoothly moved into the slow movements of first form. Basic katas were slow, easy fighting styles. Xanatos caught a few side glances from Obi-Wan, seeing what he was to do, and what the next stance was. 

"I hate to interrupt…"

Xanatos sharp eyes flicked to the garden path, and to the figure on the path. Jericho took a step off the path, and onto the grass. Xanatos turned to face the other Jedi, as he approached from the left. Obi-Wan dropped out of the last stance, but Jericho waved at him to continue. 

"I only need to speak to your master, Obi-Wan. Keep going, we'll only be a moment." Jericho smiled, but it looked forced to Xanatos. 

Xanatos turned, quickly, and gave Obi-Wan a nod before walking towards Jericho. Leaving Obi-Wan on the grass, Xanatos followed Jericho down the path a few paces. He observed that from the other's body language, the this wasn't going to be casual talk. 

Xanatos cleared his throat. "What is this about?" 

Jericho smirked a little. "Important things, Xan. I've been called out by the council. I leave tomorrow morning." 

"What?" Xanatos blinked. "You can't go." 

"Not can't, but must. The people of Eubeuq just lost one thousand children to a terrorist bombing, Xanatos. They've requested our help, and we cannot turn them down." Jericho's eyes never left Xanatos'. 

"But if you leave, you can't help with the bond." Xanatos tone dropped, and he sounded like a child to even himself. 

"No, I can't. That's why we need to do it promptly. Tonight would be best." Jericho frowned. "I don't want anyone else to do it, because I don't trust anyone else. And without the bond, I don't think Obi-Wan can truly heal, properly at least. He needs it. You both need it." 

Xanatos stood silent, his heart in his throat. 

"You haven't told him yet." Jericho sighed. "I thought so." 

"It's not that I don't want to tell him," Xanatos retorted, "But I just haven't been able to. I don't want to break the little trust he does have in me. If he sees, and learns, what I tried to do…"

"Then he will understand that you two have in common. You've both been hurt, Xan, but you can heal each other. Tell him, and then we will complete the bond afterwards. If you don't want him to find out about it through the bond, then you've got to tell him. I can't do that for you." Jericho's keen stare seemed to burn into Xanatos. 

Xanatos would have felt intimidated if he had been facing anyone else. Jericho's point did hit home with him. He wondered to himself if there could be a way around this, but he knew there was no other. He could fight this, and hold out until Jericho returned, but that would just be delaying the inevitable. 

"All right." He conceded. 

"I'll see you in two hours. I'll move our session back." Jericho put a hand on Xanatos' shoulder. "I see it, even now. He's helped you." 

"He's taking your job." Xanatos smiled, lightly. 

"Hmm, yes." 

"But," Xanatos quickly stated, "I thought I was supposed to be helping him." 

Jericho smiled. "Don't doubt yourself. You are." 

_I'd better be_, Xanatos thought to himself. 

"You should get back to him. He's all ready lost his pacing." Jericho motioned. Xanatos turned, to see Obi-Wan struggling to get Second Basic under control. He missed a low block, and skipped the next set of movements. Xanatos let out a weak breath. Bidding goodbye, Jericho walked off, leaving Xanatos to return to Obi-Wan. Forcing his feet to move, Xanatos went back to where Obi-Wan stood. Giving up on the kata, Obi-Wan dropped to his knees. Xanatos frowned, and stopped in front of the kneeling boy. 

His head down, Obi-Wan spoke. "What did he want?" 

"Why did you stop?" Xanatos questioned, standing over Obi-Wan. 

"Because I couldn't do it." Obi-Wan replied, quietly. 

Frowning, Xanatos knelt by Obi-Wan. "Yes, you can. I remember when you could complete patterns that even I had trouble with. You still can." 

"Things are different now." Obi-Wan's voice was small, and his eyes stayed fixed on the ground. 

Xanatos, rolling back onto his heals, bit his bottom lip. "Do you remember when you first moved into your new room, in Master's apartment? There were still some of my things there. You had to pack them up, and bring over at least two boxes to my new apartment." He smiled, lightly, in memory. "Things were different then, but you changed to them." 

"Three." Obi-Wan replied. 

"What?" Xanatos blinked in confusion. 

"There were three boxes." Obi-Wan lifted his head. 

Xanatos smiled. "Yes, that's it." 

Obi-Wan managed a small smile. "I brought the first two myself, but you helped with the last. I couldn't understand why, or how, you could have left some of that stuff." 

"Excuses to visit, I think." Xanatos shrugged. "Not that Qui-Gon minded my visits." 

Xanatos regretted his words, as he saw Obi-Wan shy away from his eyes. They had kept safe distances from any mention of their Master, but Xanatos knew that shouldn't be. There was much they should share, in talk, before they became linked to each others minds. 

"It is supposed to hurt, Obi-Wan." Xanatos said, softly. 

Obi-Wan shook his head. "But it hurts for all the wrong reasons." 

Xanatos, his eyes narrowing, resolved to leave the comment alone. He had to keep his thoughts. "Tonight, Master Jericho will create a training bond between us, to continue your training. You can't say no, Obi-Wan, he believes it will help us both." 

Solemnly, Obi-Wan nodded. 

"And…and before that can happen I need to tell you something. It is rather important, so I would appreciate it if you paid attention to me, and not the grass." Xanatos was satisfied when Obi-Wan looked up, and met his eyes. "See, not so hard." 

Xanatos was careful to choose his words, but could find none to start off his explanation. Instead, he gave up, and settled for a more direct example. He reached, and began to roll up the cuff of one sleeve, and then the other. It didn't take long for Obi-Wan's keen eyes to pick up the scars on Xanatos' pale wrists. The smooth marks, left there as a reminder, snaked along the skin. 

Obi-Wan's eyes were questioning him, as Xanatos spoke in a low voice. "You've probably wondered before, why I spent so much time with Master, and why I never had many missions, alone. You're a very intelligent person, and I'm sure you even asked Master once or twice why." 

Obi-Wan nodded. "He told me there were certain circumstances that accompanied your knighting. I saw how it hurt him to talk about it, so I kept away from questioning." 

Xanatos mildly snorted. "He probably didn't want to scare you. Everyone else seemed to be scared of me." 

There was a long pause, before Obi-Wan finally spoke. "Why?" 

Xanatos shrugged. "I've never thought to ask them." 

"No," Obi-Wan prompted, "why did you…"

Xanatos quickly cut him off with his response. "Sometimes, even I don't know. I thought I was a failure. Obi-Wan, I had always succeeded at everything at everything I tried. I was a Padawan when I was ten, and ready to be knighted at nineteen. Or so I thought. My final trial was my undoing." 

Suddenly, to Xanatos surprise, Obi-Wan put a hand on his knee. Xanatos blinked at it. Obi-Wan was pitying him, the idea suddenly crossed his mind. He let the thought sink in, as he met Obi-Wan's eyes. Xanatos gave a half smile, and stood. 

"We should meditate. Ready our minds and such." He started for his cloak. 

He caught Obi-Wan's nod in the corner of his eye, and they started away from the gardens. 

**End Chapter Two**


	4. Chapter Three

* * *

**Chapter Three**

They ate a light lunch, in quiet. Xanatos, in turmoil, and Obi-Wan in subdued wonder. Obi-Wan had never thought that Xanatos' unusual status stemmed from attempted suicide. Now that he knew, it still didn't make sense. Xanatos shouldn't have done anything like that, no matter what the circumstance. Obi-Wan had believed that suicide was the most unhonorable death.

But, things change. 

They had meditated before their lunch, in separate rooms. It didn't feel right, to be apart, but he had some respect for Xanatos privacy. But, during his meditations, Obi-Wan found that he was starting to feel attached to his new Master. He was starting to fell comforted by Xanatos presence. The Force was drawing them together, and Obi-Wan could feel it, but just for a moment. 

He still felt like he was fighting the bond. Something inside of him was fighting it. His meditations had left him confused, but somewhat enlightened. The enlightenment left him feeling comfortable, and relaxed. And, to his satisfaction, the confusion was easy enough to ignore. 

When they left for their fate, Xanatos looked distant and was silent until they were about to enter Jericho's office. "Don't worry Obi-Wan. I trust Jericho with my life, nothing will go wrong." 

Obi-Wan, although knowing that Xanatos was reassuring mainly himself, nodded. 

The door swished open. Jericho was sitting at his desk, his eyes closed in preparation. There were two other healers there, as well, for precautions. Obi-Wan felt himself go numb. 

"Xan, I'm sorry I had to rush you, but you can't dodge this forever." Jericho smiled softly, "Obi-Wan, if you could remove your boots, I need to speak to your Master before we begin." 

After a frozen second, Obi-Wan undid the clasps on his boots. As he removed them, he tried his best to look serene, and prepared. He settled onto the floor, and watched Xanatos and Jericho as they exited out into the hall. 

He blinked, then looked at the healers. He didn't recognize either of them. They smiled at him, and nodded in greeting. He looked away from them. He was beginning to dislike the constant presence of healers and their attendants. 

* * *

"How could you have only have seen it now? You've had several sessions with him, and you, you…" Xanatos trailed off. He took a deep breath, then looked back to Jericho. 

"I have only made the conclusion now, Xan. I had made some observances. I'm not completely blind, you know." Jericho, his arms folded, watched Xanatos' rant with a cool head. 

Xanatos, still somewhat confused, waved his hand absently. "Explain it to me. Again." 

"They took his memories. They were Force sensitive, and invaded his mind. Before they released him, they took memories he had of them. That's why he has never been able to tell us anything. We thought he didn't want to, but he just can't! It's amazing. Whoever did it, must have impeccable abilities." Jericho watched Xanatos' expression. 

Xanatos pursed his lips. "You speak about like it's no big deal." 

Jericho sighed. "I was trained as a scientist, Xanatos. Just as you were trained as a Jedi Knight, and not a spineless throw rug." 

"I'm sorry," Xanatos replied, "but this is hardly scientific!" 

"Yes it is." Jericho nodded. "Now we know it was one of us." 

Xanatos cocked his head, "What would a Jedi have to gain from killing a master and mentally scarring a learner?" 

"Perhaps everything. There have been prices put on our heads before." Jericho saw Xanatos' mouth open, and raised a hand. "Just admit, Xan, there could be a chance that this is all possible. Just admit that something that you do not know about could be real." 

Xanatos ran a hand through his hair. "I can." 

Jericho nodded. "That is all I ask. We can investigate my findings together. You in your way, here at the temple, and me in my spare time, off planet." 

"Should we tell Obi-Wan?" Xanatos quietly asked, the information finally registering. Obi-Wan's actions, his quietness, and change, was not his fault. None of his new circumstances were under his control. 

Jericho blinked. "You surprise me, Xan. I never thought of that." 

"That surprises me," Xanatos bit his bottom lip, "But not in a good way." 

"Let's see how the bond affects him. Maybe we can recover the memories. But in the mean time, let's keep this information between us. If there is a memory thief at the temple we should be cautious. Especially…"

"Healers." Xanatos quickly put in. "Mind healers. They would have the most training." 

"I know, I know." Jericho quickly nodded. "I'll dismiss them." 

Xanatos studied him for a moment, weighing his thoughts on the other man. 

"Don't think that way, Xan." Jericho replied. "I've been on planet for the past year." 

Xanatos gave a small smile. "Ah, right." 

"Come on." Jericho returned the smile, and lead Xanatos back inside. 

* * *

"Now," Jericho began, speaking to the two other Jedi sitting with him on the floor mats. The healers had been dismissed, with little suspicion on Jericho's part, "This is going to be a little rough on the both of you, because you're last training bonds were not properly...dealt with." 

Obi-Wan felt a bitter comment spring to his lips at the euphemism, but bit it back. 

Jericho continued, "Let me describe what I'm going to do. I'm going to reach inside your minds, and artificially start the necessary training bond. Unfortunately, this will leave me partially connected to you. Until your bond strengthens, naturally, I cannot remove myself. Your minds must be willing to be free, and the Force must guide you to being a perfect team. 

"Okay, then." Jericho looked up to his desk, and levitated an object off of it into his hands. It was a blue colored box, and when he removed the lid, produced a Force-focusing crystal. The pale pink of the crystal shimmered in the light, and Obi-Wan could feel the Force eddies surronding it, and inside of it. 

"Follow my instructions, but alert me if you feel serious pain. Some can be expected, but keep your judgment about you. Close your eyes, and open your minds. I'll do the rest." Jericho put the crystal in the center of the triangle they formed. 

Taking a fleeting glance at Xanatos, who was looking at him with some reassurance and fear, then went into closing his eyes. Obi-Wan did the same, and felt the same. His mind remained unwilling to open for a moment, and his mental shields wouldn't fall to the anticipated invasion. He worked passed it, and with much focusing, let his mind be open. All of them fell into combined meditation, and Obi-Wan let himself drift. 

* * *

Obi-Wan woke up in his bed, with a slight fog surrounding his memory. He remembered little of the previous evening as he sat up. The sun ran in through his window, and glinted in his eyes. He blinked, trying to steady himself. 

It was odd. He could feel it in the corner of his mind. Other presences; Xanatos' and Jericho's. Xanatos' was stronger, but he could feel them both. He suddenly felt angry at the link. They could hear his thoughts now. He would need stronger shields. 

//Good morning.// Came a soft mental voice. He winced at it. //I'm sorry. I should have waited.// 

//No, it's okay.// Obi-Wan shook his head, trying again to steady himself. 

//Good. Breakfast is ready.// 

//Okay.// 

Obi-Wan felt the link fade a little, and was glad. Xanatos' new presence in his mind was leaving him uncomfortable, which was puzzling. He should have welcomed the new appearance that would fill that dark void in the corner of his mind. The Force did feel a little stronger now. 

_It's going to help me._ He thought with some contentment. _This shouldn't be so bad…_

He entered the main quarters. Xanatos looked up at his entrance, and gave a small smile. He was sitting at the table, and waiting patiently. Obi-Wan saw the look of renewed alertness on his face. Xanatos had needed this more than he, Obi-Wan suddenly thought. 

"How do you feel?" Xanatos asked as Obi-Wan took his spot at the table. 

"Better." Obi-Wan replied. 

"Jericho said we should meditate together for the next few weeks, to help strengthen our bond. After a while, you'll loose the discomfort that comes with the mental communication." Xanatos served himself from one of the pan at the center of the table. 

"You felt that?" Obi-Wan tentatively asked. 

Xanatos smiled lightly. "Not much of it, but it makes me feel about the same. I don't really enjoy it." 

Obi-Wan nodded, then filled his own plate. He gingerly avoided Xanatos' eyes the rest of the meal, and didn't speak. He did sense Xanatos looking at him now and again, but he wasn't going to address it. Obi-Wan was glad that Xanatos wasn't going to push him. 

But it was hard to keep quiet when they were both finished eating. Obi-Wan saw Xanatos about to rise, but quickly stood instead. "I'll clear." 

Xanatos blinked. "Thank you, Obi-Wan." 

Obi-Wan removed the plates, and put them in the washer. He was familiar with Xanatos' apartment, and knew where everything went. He had helped with a lot of the organization. It made him comfortable, also, to be doing task for another. 

"I'll dry, if you like." Xanatos stood next to him by the sink counter, as Obi-Wan started to run warm water to wash the pans that wouldn't work in the machine. 

Obi-Wan looked at him, and nodded. "If you want." 

The sink filled, Obi-Wan went to his work. He soon fell into the calm that came with the simple chore. It reminded him of the countless times, not to long ago, when he would've done the same for Qui-Gon and himself. 

At his thoughts, Xanatos reached out and put a hand on his shoulder. "I used to do those things too." 

Obi-Wan nodded. "It feels like a lifetime ago." 

Xanatos let out a low sigh, then smiled. "We wont forget him, or those times, Obi-Wan." 

"I know." Obi-Wan said. 

Xanatos returned a pan to a cupboard. "I'll finish cleaning up. You can take a shower, if you would like. Then we can get started on the meditations, all right?" 

Obi-Wan gave a nod, then left for the washroom. He gave a small glance over his shoulder at Xanatos. His back was turned, as he dried one of the smaller pans. Suddenly, it slipped out of his hands, but quick reflexes saved it from falling. Obi-Wan heard a mild curse, and then some low talk, but turned and leaned against the hallway wall. 

_He's still nervous. I know all about him now, and he can't avoid me. What more does he have to hide?_ Obi-Wan twirled his fingers around his Padawan braid, then pushed away from the wall. 

* * *

"Cursed clumsiness. I remember when I wasn't so clumsy…" Xanatos mumbled to himself. He wanted to throw the pan across the room, but thought better of it. After putting the pan away, he closed his eyes, and released his anger at himself to the Force. 

He drifted into the calm of the Force, and felt the reassuring connection that linked him to Obi-Wan. He happily fazed out and hovered around the link. The Force was finally becoming more helpful. Blinking, he came back to himself, and blocked out the link. Obi-Wan would think even more ill of him if he barged in during his personal time. 

The bleep-bleep of the table communication brought reality down even more. He threw the towel over his shoulder, and strode over to his desk. 

"Hello Xan. How are you faring?" Jericho's cool expression beamed from the flat screen. 

"Fine," Xanatos replied, "But you know that that is a lie." 

Jericho grinned in satisfaction. "You are fine on some levels. Physically, and partly mentally. How is Obi-Wan? And don't say he's fine, because his shields leak a little more than yours." 

"I haven't asked him, but he didn't look that uncomfortable. I did scare him a little. I should have been more careful." He clenched the towel in his hand, then looked back to Jericho as he let it go. 

"I've told you before to be less critical of yourself. But that's not why I contacted you. I've found the list of Jedi who were off planet during the time period we were looking for. It's a long list, but I've narrowed it down to those I know to be capable of pulling anything like this off." He paused, looked off screen and then back. "You should have it in a second." 

"I'll download it into my reader, and do some research into it." He paused, then grinned. "Quietly." 

"Don't doubt yourself I…" Some erratic beeping took Jericho's attention away from Xanatos. "Hold on." He disappeared, and made a call onto another comm unit. He came back, with an annoyed crease on his brow. "We've encountered a problem. I…" The ship shook. "I have to go, Xan. Be sure to take care. I'll contact you when we get in the clear." 

"No, wait. What is it? Jericho." The comm blinked out, leaving Xanatos to stare at the blank screen. "I know everything is not fine. I can feel it!" 

"What's wrong?" Obi-Wan's voice drifted over the expanse of the living quarters. Xanatos moved from the desk, and turned to face him. 

"Jericho's transport has encountered some problems." He answered, then looked back to the screen. "Unfortunately, he didn't leave much to go on." He saw he reader blink, registering the download was finished. He clicked it off as Obi-Wan crossed the floor. 

Obi-Wan was dressed in a light tunic and fresh leggings, and approached slowly. 

Xanatos returned his focus to the screen. "He's shut off his comm." 

Studying the screen, Obi-Wan ran his hand along the smooth surface. "Can you feel him through the bond?" 

"No," Xanatos replied. "He's shielding, so there must be something wrong." 

Obi-Wan nodded, but said nothing. Xanatos stared blankly at the screen, until Obi-Wan spoke again. "I'm going to go finish dressing." 

Xanatos finally looked away from the darkened comm screen. "Maybe we should…"

A blinding shot of light knocked the words off of Xanatos' tongue. He stumbled, but braised himself on the table. His stomach lurched, and he groaned as his head pounded. The light came with a hum, but the hum was growing into loud scream. A loud bang, like a shot of thunder, knocked him off of his feet. His balance lost, he fell to the floor, smacking his head on the table on the way down. 

The light dimmed, and the pain of his head took over. He moaned, and tried to roll over. He lifted a hand to his head, and gazed at his newly bloodied fingers when he brought it to his eyes. Xanatos coughed, and his eyes drifted across the room. Obi-Wan lay there, unconscious. Xanatos' mind tried to ponder what had happened, but it didn't fight long. 

"Obi-Wan?" He asked. No response. The bond, when he touched it, made him wince. His head ache renewed, and his eyes sagged shut, and everything faded to black. 

**End Chapter Three**


	5. Chapter Four

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Xanatos awoke with a scream, as he sat up. His head was swimming, and he lay back down. He gasped heavily. 

"Shh…Xanatos. You're okay, here in the Healer's Wing." A youthful face hovered over him, dressed in the pale blue of the healers. 

"Sade?" He blinked drawing her name from his memory. "Why does my head hurt?" 

"You smacked it? Remember?" She smiled. 

"Xanatos?" Another face loomed into his vision. 

"Master Windu? What's going I…" He trailed off, his head growing heavy in a flux of pain. It hadn't taken him long to figure out that the pain was hardly all physically. It was the ache of a torn training bond. That must mean that something had happened to Obi-Wan. 

"Obi-Wan?" He asked, sitting up, despite himself. 

"No, not Obi-Wan. He's fine." Sade reassured him, laying him back down. 

"It was Master Jericho." Mace Windu spoke softly. "His transport was attacked, and destroyed. There were no survivors." 

"Jericho?" Xanatos absently said. 

"His mind was torn from your and Obi-Wan's bond, leaving you both unconscious. Others felt it too. It was all mind healers on that craft. The Force repercussions left most with just a minor headache. Unfortunately for you, the training bond has been dissolved between you and Obi-Wan." Sade had a lovely set of amber eyes, but were looking sympathetically at Xanatos. In his prone state, Xanatos couldn't fight the solace. He looked at the ceiling blankly. 

Mace and Sade exchanged looks, and then he spoke. "Obi-Wan is here with you, Xanatos." 

Xanatos didn't reply. The Force had tricked him. Lulled him into believing that things would return to some state of normalcy. But it was just out of his reach. The Force kept taking people he loved from him, and offering nothing in return. 

His bottom lip trembled, and he shut his eyes. 

"We'll be back, Xanatos." Sade said. Xanatos heard them both leave, and then opened his eyes. His head fell to one side of his bed, and he saw Obi-Wan laying in one along side of him. Obi-Wan eyes were out of focus, and he didn't turn to look at Xanatos. 

"You both promised you could help me." 

Xanatos closed his eyes. "You shouldn't have listened to us." 

"I'm sorry I did." 

* * *

Xanatos woke up in the middle of the night. He propped himself up in the bed, and sighed. He could never keep his promises, especially when they really mattered. He looked across the room at the sleeping Obi-Wan. The boy appeared to be resting easily, but Xanatos knew better than to trust outward appearances. He was probably suffering the same nightmares. 

His whole life was a nightmare. 

He reached over to the bedside table to get the cup of water that Sade left for him. He misjudged where the glass was, and ended up spilling it. The water poured over the edge of the table, and onto the floor. Xanatos sat the glass up, and swore under his breath. 

Nearly throwing the table's drawer open, Xanatos searched in the low light for a towel to clean up the mess. The glisten of metal caught his eye and he froze. Nestled in the corner of the drawer, was a blade. His picked it up gingerly, careful not to nick his fingers. 

It was a sharp blade from a scalpel. Why it was in the drawer stood out to him. No one would leave this laying around. 

He was so close, he realized. It was all within his reach. Maybe this was a Force omen. He could just do it now, and get it over with. He brought the blade to within a breaths distance from the scars on his wrist. 

"No, Master, no." 

Obi-Wan's voice broke his phased out state. He nearly dropped the blade when he jumped. His head whipped over to Obi-Wan's bed. The boy was asleep. He was talking in his sleep. Xanatos blinked his eyes as he suddenly comprehended what he was about to do. 

He had to hardly aim to get the blade in the trash can across the expanse of the room. 

Xanatos looked back to Obi-Wan, listening to the boy's soft voice again. 

"He's going to come back." 

Who? Xanatos thought. Who, Obi-Wan? 

"I don't want him to hurt you anymore." 

Xanatos remembered what Jericho had told him, how Obi-Wan's memories had been taken. They're still there, Xanatos hypothesized, They're just hidden. If I could get to them, then we could find out who is responsible for all of this. 

The bond; could it really be completely broken? Dropping into light meditations, Xanatos tried to touch the dormant, he hoped, training bond. He drifted along the Force, trying to reach out to Obi-Wan. He felt close, so close. 

A darkness suddenly caused him to pull out of meditation. It hurt. The darkness had burnt him, in warning. Was that darkness surronding Obi-Wan? Xanatos winced against his aching head, and leaned against the wall behind his bed. 

Tomorrow was fast approaching, and he would need all of the strength he had left to get through it. Sliding under the covers, Xanatos settled down and stared at the ceiling. 

* * *

Obi-Wan rolled onto his side, and his eyes fluttered open. He looked across the room, watching as Xanatos pulled on his boots. They were leaving then. Xanatos finished putting on his boots, then saw Obi-Wan was looking at him. Xanatos blinked in response, then looked away. 

"The healers have decided we are physically able to leave," Xanatos paused, still looking away from Obi-Wan. "We're scheduled to meet with Jericho's replacement later. You should get dressed." 

Obi-Wan sat up, and nodded. He glanced at the side table to his bed, and noted that his clothes were placed there. His cloak hung lazily over the back of a chair. He glanced back to see Xanatos pulling on his cloak, and readying to leave. 

"I'll be back." He mumbled, and quickly left the confines of the room. 

Obi-Wan sighed, and reached for his clothes. The healers had dressed him in a light pair of sleep pants and tunic. He couldn't remember when they had, but he remembered that they had. He vaguely recalled anything that had happened, except that his head hurt and he was left empty again. 

Finished dressing, Obi-Wan sat back on the bed, and watched his hands. He was unsure of what to do. He searched the room for a moment, for no reason. He studied the walls, the ceiling, the beds, the tables. His eyes stopped when he reached the trash can. It wasn't a regular recycler. It must have multiple purposes if it was free to move about the room. Something was in there, he realized. He quickly moved, and brought the container back to his bed. It was empty, except for a small metal scalpel blade at the bottom. It was odd to find a metal blade, Obi-Wan noted. Putting the canister back on the ground, and sliding it across the floor, he looked the blade over. He couldn't place where it would be used, but it could be useful. Sliding off on of his books, he slid the blade between the heel and the sole. He could hide it there until he found some use for it. 

"Hello?" 

Obi-Wan turned to the doorway. A red headed man stood there, dressed in the robes of a mind healer. Obi-Wan cocked his head, but didn't offer a reply. 

"You must be Obi-Wan." The man smiled. Obi-Wan suddenly recognized him, and remembered his as one of the healers that had been dismissed during the…He frowned, and looked away. 

The man, his smile turning into a grimace, took a step closer. "I didn't mean to upset you, but I've come here with a purpose. I'm Cherek, and I'll be taking over Jericho's work with you. Where is your Master?" 

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. His Master was dead, he wanted to say, but he kept his mouth shut. He kept his eyes planted on an empty glass across the room. 

Cherek frowned further, and walked over to Obi-Wan's bed. "Please, please, listen to me. I know Jericho promised to help you, but he…well, you know. I, well, I…" He tried to smile. "I'm not very good at this, am I?" 

Obi-Wan was silent. 

Cherek sat next to Obi-Wan. "Can you accept my promise?" 

Obi-Wan still didn't reply. 

"On Tres-elle, silence is an answer for yes." Cherek tried to smile, and reached out to touch his shoulder. 

Obi-Wan jumped off the bed, and stalked away. "Leave me alone." 

Cherek stared at him. "Obi-Wan, please, I…"

Obi-Wan just stared at him. 

From the doorway, Xanatos appeared. He blinked at Obi-Wan, then swept the room and saw Cherek sitting on Obi-Wan's empty bed. Xanatos, looking between Obi-Wan and Cherek, let out a low breath. 

"You came early." Xanatos forehead creased. "You shouldn't have come early." 

Cherek stood from the bed, "I only came for your benefit. You weren't here, and I thought…"

"You thought nothing. Get out, and do as he says. We will meet together later." Xanatos seemed to growl. Obi-Wan blinked at the sudden change. Cherek merely nodded, and ducked out of the room. Xanatos watched him go with slitted eyes. 

"I'm sorry, Obi-Wan." He said, sighing and looking away from the door. 

Obi-Wan shrugged lightly. 

Xanatos half smiled. "Let's go. Get some breakfast." 

Obi-Wan nodded. "Sure." 

As they moved through the halls, Obi-Wan kept his eyes low. He saw that Xanatos did mostly the same; avoiding other's gazes and appearing like shadows. Obi-Wan started to wonder where Xanatos had went before he returned to send Cherek away. He watched as the dark headed man's shoulders slumped as he thought, before turning into the dining hall. 

Xanatos paused, surveying the room idly. "Get a table, and I'll get us something to eat. Okay?" 

Obi-Wan nodded, and found a lone table in a far corner. He thought for a moment he saw Bant sitting with his other friends, but decided not to join them. He wanted to be alone. They were probably pitying him, and he didn't need that. 

He had taken a seat and tried to look nonchalant. Xanatos returned shortly after, carrying two trays. He had noticed Obi-Wan's friends casting gazes at him, and decided to bring it up as carefully as possible. 

"Isn't that your friend Bant?" He asked. 

Obi-Wan nodded, but looked intently at his food. 

"Have you said hello to her?" Xanatos said. 

Obi-Wan shrugged. "She thought I was dead for so long, and I thought that it would be easier if I kept it that way." 

Sighing, Xanatos didn't reply. 

The companions ate in silence, until they were interrupted by a soft voice wearing healer's tunics. 

"Cherek said he thought you would be here." Sade smiled, sitting next to Xanatos. 

Xanatos gave a half hearted smile in return. "I doubt Cherek has thought at all this morning." 

Sade shook her head at him then turned to Obi-Wan. "How are you Obi-Wan? Is your head feeling all right? We checked out Xanatos this morning, but you left before we could clear you." 

"I'm fine." Obi-Wan answered. 

"Good," Sade stood. "And Xanatos I know you dislike Cherek, but can you try to get along." 

"I can try." Xanatos nodded. "I can't guarantee I will succeed, though." 

Grinning briefly at Xanatos, then giving Obi-Wan the same reassuring look, Sade left the cafeteria. Xanatos let his eyes follow her, Obi-Wan noticed, before he looked back to his tray. 

Obi-Wan glanced over at Bant's table, and internally winced. Maybe he was being too hard on himself. It would be good for some companionship. He shifted his gaze back to the table, and watched Xanatos eat. 

Xanatos looked tired. His face was more pale than normal, and his eyes were not as sharp as usual. Obi-Wan momentarily thought about his appearance, but put it out of his mind. 

It took him a second to see that Xanatos was looking at him too. When he did notice, Xanatos offered a small smile. Obi-Wan blinked before looking away again. Xanatos suggested that they go over and talk to Obi-Wan's friends again, but again Obi-Wan disagreed. They left shortly after. 

* * *

Xanatos was disappointed in himself, and in Obi-Wan. Things were not going smoothly, and now Cherek was going to rub his nose in it. Cherek was a failed Padawan, that ended up in the healers ranks. When Xanatos had been in the advanced classes at the Temple, he had been in same student group with Cherek. Cherek was a jerk, and Xanatos had thought very little of him. Xanatos, in fact, still thought little of him. 

"We're going to meet in the gardens." Xanatos announced, as they neared the very gardens he spoke of. He didn't see Obi-Wan nod, or look up in recognition, but knew he heard. 

Cherek was there, and looked very pleased with himself. Cherek was going to enjoy every minute of it. "Hello Xan. Hello Obi-Wan. Let's forget about this morning, all right." 

"You can address me as Knight MesToles, Cherek. Only my friends can call me Xan." Xanatos nearly hissed. 

Cherek reeled, but managed a small nod. "All right. I guess that's why I haven't heard very many people call you that." 

Xanatos glared, but stood silent. Obi-Wan stirred at his side. Xanatos looked over at the boy, and gave a small smile. Cherek had started off down the path, not waiting for them. Xanatos sighed, and started after. 

Cherek wasn't very helpful. He was only there because his seniority was suddenly much greater than it had been when Jericho and the others were still around. He was constantly asking questions that had already been answered, and making comments that were pushing Xanatos to the edge. 

Xanatos' grip on his emotions had been loosened to a point where he had only a small grasp on them. He had left Obi-Wan that morning to get his head, and came back to only lose any ground he may have gained. Cherek wasn't going to help him much, and that was going to fray his nerves further. 

"Xanatos?" 

Xanatos blinked out of his thoughts, and stared at Cherek. "What?" 

"I asked you a question." Cherek replied. 

Xanatos stood off of the grass, and shook his head. "I'm tired of your questions." 

Cherek sighed. "Sit down, Xanatos." 

"I will not!" Xanatos shouted. He felt the anger climb into his throat, and it would not fade away. Something inside him snapped when Cherek stood, and tried to put a hand on his shoulder. 

Xanatos struck back, knocking Cherek's hand away from him. Cherek stared at him, shocked. Obi-Wan, wary of the actions of the adults around him, pushed off of the ground and took a few steps away from the two. 

"Xanatos, calm down." Cherek's tone did not warrant calm. 

Xanatos shook his head. "You can't make decisions for me." 

Cherek reached for him again, and Xanatos hit a direct punch to his jaw. Cherek stumbled back, cradling his mouth. Obi-Wan stared Xanatos, not knowing whether to run or stay. 

"You wont get away with this." Cherek mumbled, still holding his jaw. 

Xanatos clenched his fists. "I don't plan on it." 

Out of no where, two knights appeared. They'd seen Xanatos strike, and grabbed him from behind. Xanatos quickly brushed them off, and left with the knights as escorts. Obi-Wan was let standing with a bleeding Cherek, and an approaching Master Windu. 

"Wait," Windu called. Xanatos paused, and the knights made him turn. "What happened here?" 

Xanatos stood, with a piercing stare at Cherek. Cherek fumbled for words, but managed to grate out that Xanatos had struck him without provocation. Xanatos felt the words were lies, but didn't speak up. Something had made him over irritable, and Obi-Wan was suffering at the cost. 

Windu dismissed him to quarters, and Xanatos didn't offer any objections. 

As Obi-Wan watched Xanatos go, he couldn't help but tremble slightly. Xanatos was acting out of sorts. Not that he didn't have a right too. With a bleeding bond and a weakling apprentice, he was liable to do something drastic. Obi-Wan look down at the grass, and half wondered if Xanatos did this to get rid of him. 

"Obi-Wan?" Obi-Wan recognized Sade as she crossed the grass to where he was standing. Two Senior Padawans had seen the conflict, and were giving their best report to Master Windu. "What happened?" 

Obi-Wan blinked a little. "I don't know." 

Sade sighed, and put a warm hand on his shoulder. She listened to a little of what was being said around them, but it just turned into white noise that swirled about Obi-Wan. He was lost in his own empty thoughts, and didn't here the arrangements that were made to stay at Sade's until things had been straightened out. 

Obi-Wan followed blindly. Xanatos was trying to get rid of him. No one wanted him now that he was broken. Things weren't going to change. Xanatos was right in trying to get rid of him. He was worthless. He remembered when Xanatos had shown him, and told him, about his attempted suicide. It made sense now. The only way to escape this failure was to give up. And that was the only option left. 

* * *

Xanatos wasn't hungry when noon meal came. He had been suspended to his quarters, and ordered to keep away from Cherek. He had admitted to letting his emotions take hold of him when Master Windu had questioned him about the events. The master had been lenient, saying that the events that had occurred as of late had been over-stressful, but he had expected more of him. 

When Xanatos had quietly questioned whether or not Obi-Wan would be returned to him, Mace only managed a curt nod. Having no specifics, Xanatos had no idea when that would happen, but was somewhat pleased that he would have a chance to apologize. 

Master Windu left, and Xanatos was alone. 

He numbly went to his desk, and slumped in the chair. He could see the mark on the table where he had struck his head, and ran his fingers across it. He glanced at the comm screen, and frowned. He traced his fingers along the edge and replayed the last words he had with Jericho. 

He slammed his fist against the desk. There was something behind all this, and he was just too stupid to figure it out! 

"Stupid…" He hissed, reaching for his reader. He scrolled through the names, looking for one specific one. He wasn't the least bit surprised when the highlighted name that blinked on his screen matched his sudden epiphany. 

"Cherek?" He said to himself, staring at the name. Of course, this could only be a meaningless coincidence that would get him no where. "I'm not sure anyone will listen to me, anyhow." 

Xanatos put the reader on the table. He stared at it, until there was a chime at his door. It didn't make him jump; he just turned his head. "I don't think you want to come in." He called towards the door. "I think I do." Came the soft, feminine, response. 

Xanatos sighed. "If you're sure, then." 

Sade entered, and stared at him from the doorway. "You shouldn't have done that, Xan." 

"I can do whatever I like." He replied, not meeting her eyes. 

Sade pursed her soft lips, and gave a low sigh. "I've seen you like this before, Xanatos Crion MesTelos, and I don't want to see the same end." 

"Then leave, and you wont have to see it." Xanatos turned his head towards her, and replied. 

Sade opened her mouth to say something, but seemed to rethink it. She bit her lip, and shook her head before she moved to speak again. "Obi-Wan is staying with me." 

Xanatos blinked. "Can you bring him over? Master Windu said he'd…"

Sade suddenly smiled. "There you go." 

"What?" Xanatos stared at her. 

"Obi-Wan, Xanatos, he's what you've got. You cannot tell me you have nothing when you have Obi-Wan." She answered. 

Xanatos frowned. "I never said I had nothing. In fact, I didn't say anything like that." 

"I read it off of you, Xan." Sade gave a satisfied grin. 

Xanatos drummed his fingers on the desk, and looked intently at her. "Just send Obi-Wan over as soon as possible, Sade. I will be fine." 

Sade's grin faded. "Fine?" She shook her head. "Fine. I don't endorse this, but I will humor you. Force be with you, because you'll need it." She turned and left, clearly angry with him. Xanatos watched her go, and wondered why he had her sympathies. 

He stared at the door until he heard a small knock a few minutes later. He stood, and crossed over to the door, emotions broiling beneath the surface. He hit the button to open the door, and tried to compose his face. If he had Obi-Wan, and was able to keep him away from Cherek, then maybe he could get things to work out in the end. 

To his surprise, and chagrin, when he opened the door he didn't see Obi-Wan. Instead, Master Yoda stood in his doorway. 

Xanatos blinked, then narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing here?" 

"Hmm, rude you are." Yoda shuffled in. "Heard I have, what happened today." 

Xanatos folded his arms, and exhaled sharply. "And you just had to come and see what's the matter? Where's Obi-Wan?" 

"See Obi-Wan later, you will. Now, sit." Yoda had made his way slowly over to the couch in the common room. He hopped up onto the couch, and made an annoyed noise. "Smaller furniture you need." 

Xanatos moved his hands to his side, and clenched them into fists. "I don't need anything. Why are you here?" 

"Sit with me, you will." Yoda's voice was clear and calm. Xanatos sighed, and stalked over to the couch. Instead of sitting on it, though, Xanatos sat on the floor in front of where Yoda was. "Good. Explain your actions, now." 

"I all ready did. To Master Windu. I explained that my emotions were…."

"Heard that I have! Explain the truth, you shall." Yoda interrupted. 

Xanatos frowned. "Cherek provoked me." 

"Ask you to hit him he did?" 

"Um, no." Xanatos looked away. 

"Then hit him you should have not. Want to help you, he did. Need help, you still do." Yoda sighed. "Offer you help, we still do. Accept it, hmm?" 

"I can deal with my own problems, Master. I only ask that Obi-Wan be returned to me. I wont cause anymore trouble, Master." Xanatos narrowed his eyes. "Not with Cherek, and not with any one. Everybody can just start swamping me with pity again, and I can remain trapped here in the Temple." 

"Looking for that answer, I was not. So much like your Master, you are. Accept help for you, he would not, but saw it we did. Accept help, you should. But accept help you will not." Yoda tapped Xanatos lightly on the head with his gimer stick. "Meditate you should." 

"I should do a lot of things." Xanatos stared at the floor. 

"Hmm, speaking I am. More attention I deserve than the floor." 

Xanatos sat quiet, then sighed. "Just have Obi-Wan brought back to me." 

Yoda, grumbling slightly, hopped off the coach. "Best, your way is." 

Xanatos didn't respond. He heard Yoda shuffle his way out the door. He even felt the delicate Force probe that the aged Master sent his way, but he didn't respond to it. He shifted his legs until they were folded, and waited. 

**End Chapter Four**


	6. Chapter Five

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Sade entered her quarters and let out a big sigh. Obi-Wan heard her come in and glanced in her direction. She gave a small smile at him, then walked over to where he sat at the table. As she took the seat opposite to him, she shrugged off her cloak to let it drape over the back of her chair.

"Obi-Wan," She began slowly, "I only have to ask you one question. And that is, do you want to go back to Xanatos?" 

Obi-Wan, staring at his hands, nodded lightly. 

Sade was still staring at him. "Why?" 

"If he wants me back, then I will go. It's up to him." Obi-Wan shifted his weight uneasily. Sade was starting to make him uncomfortable. She was too straightforward for his liking. The truth was, he wanted to go back to Xanatos to see if he still wanted him. Though, in the back of his mind, he decision was already made. 

"He does want you back, Obi-Wan. But, if you go back, you will not receive any more help from the mind healers. It will be up to you two to find the solutions you need to solve your problems. Obi-Wan, I don't believe that you two can do that on your own. I don't want to see anything bad happen to you or Xan, but that's what he's resolved." She suddenly leaned over and placed her hands over his. "Do what you want, not what you think Xan wants." 

"I am doing what I want." Obi-Wan replied quickly. "Can I go now?" 

Sade let go of his hands, and leaned back in her chair, and nodded. She didn't say anything as Obi-Wan timidly pushed away from the table, and left her quarters. 

Obi-Wan blindly found his way back to Xanatos, but stopped just short before he knocked. His hand wavered. Something, The Force maybe, was pulling him in different directions. To Xanatos, away from Xanatos, away from the Temple…He shook his head. He quickly knocked on the door before he could reconsider. 

It opened quickly, but Obi-Wan again wavered before entering. 

Xanatos was there, appearing suddenly. He had a alleviated look on his face and smiled. Obi-Wan stared in confusion, but stepped inside. 

"I'm sorry about what happened today," Xanatos said, though it sounded hollow to Obi-Wan, "I'm more sorry you had to see it, actually." 

Obi-Wan gave a short nod and let Xanatos lead him into the common room. Xanatos sat down close to him, and did his best to meet his eyes. He looked very calm to have Obi-Wan back. 

Leaning back into the couch, Xanatos gave Obi-Wan another smile. "I hope Sade didn't tell you too many lies." 

Obi-Wan shook his head. "I don't think they were all lies." 

"Good." Xanatos smiled. "Are you hungry?" 

Obi-Wan shook his head. 

"Oh, all right." Xanatos replied. The silence between them was unpleasant, and Obi-Wan could feel Xanatos thinking about what to do next. Xanatos, though he looked calm, could always hide his true emotions. And they were there, just below the surface. Obi-Wan studied Xanatos, before he spoke again. 

"Master Yoda spoke with me. He told me what is going to happen." Xanatos paused. "Basically we're on our own." 

"Oh." Obi-Wan looked down at his boots. 

Xanatos swallowed, then looked out the window across from him. The sun hung low in the sky, and was starting to disappear below the city line. Time was starting to be lost to Xanatos, and he didn't like the feeling of having a day slip away without him accomplishing anything. He looked over at Obi-Wan. His plan wasn't going so well. The boy was distancing himself. Xanatos sighed. 

"Are you tired?" He asked. 

Obi-Wan looked up, and nodded. 

"All right," Xanatos smiled lightly, "if your tired you may turn in early tonight. We can meditate together tomorrow. I don't find anything wrong with that." 

Obi-Wan nodded, and moved to leave the room, and to leave for bed. He was surprised when Xanatos reached out to catch his arm. "Obi-Wan wait." 

Obi-Wan turned his head. 

"I don't want there to be distance between us. I apologized for what happened today, could you accept it?" Xanatos' eyes pleaded towards him for a response. 

Obi-Wan looked at the hand on his arm in confusion. _He doesn't mean it. He's trying to get me to believe him again. Don't believe him._ Obi-Wan managed to give a lying nod, and Xanatos let him go. 

"Thank you, Obi-Wan. Good night then." Xanatos looked like he believed him, and Obi-Wan didn't feel any regret at lying. He moved towards his room, and didn't look back. 

As Xanatos watched Obi-Wan disappear inside his room. His relief that Obi-Wan was back had faded slightly, but he was glad that the boy could still be reached. He could help him, and would do it despite what the council thought of him. 

Shaking his head, Xanatos slid off of the couch, and onto the floor. Maybe he was going about this all wrong. Could the others help him? Xanatos frowned, and flopped his head onto the couch, and stared at the ceiling. It didn't offer any answers, as usual. 

He pushed himself back up to his feet, and walked out onto the balcony. The sun had just disappeared, but some of the buildings still glistened with its dying light. He turned back into his apartment, and crossed his arms. 

"If problems were easy to solve, then life would have no challenges." Xanatos frowned. "I always liked challenges. But Obi-Wan…he's a challenge that I just don't want to loose. I'm on a bad run of challenges, aren't I?" 

No answer. 

Xanatos took a deep breath, and settled back onto the floor. He pulled off his boots, and slipped into meditation. Master Yoda was right about this. He needed to meditate more. The Force wouldn't be so difficult to listen to if he tried a little harder. 

As his meditations deepened, Xanatos wondered why his emotions had suddenly bled away. It was like some one held a switch to his mind, and flicked it on and off at will. The Force could be toying with him in some sick way, but he was beginning to suspect that there was a real person. But if the focus was off of him, then where was the focus now? 

The question lingered in his mind. He had been taught how to answer questions in his mind, but he had almost forgotten the practice over the past months. But like any other routine that had been long dormant, he could revive it easily. 

If Cherek was behind Qui-Gon's death, than he would have to have objectives. Even a turned Jedi would use something like revenge over something without reason. Revenge, yes. It had to be revenge. He remembered being younger, and always having Cherek chasing him. Cherek was older, but was always in competition with him. Xanatos had beaten Cherek at almost everything, including becoming Qui-Gon's padawan. That's how Cherek ended up on the path to the mind healers. He passed his thirteenth birthday, and became intertwined in the healer system. 

That was it! He hadn't been chosen, so he found a way to get retribution. 

But how could he hide himself from the powerfully minded Jedi he worked with? 

Every questions answers usually came with more questions. It was an endless circle that would just lead to frustration. Snorting in impatience Xanatos pulled out of meditations. He turned his eyes towards the window and frowned. Night had swept the city. 

Xanatos pushed himself to his feet, picked up his boots, and folded his arms. Sighing, he went to his room. 

* * *

Having not slept the night before, Xanatos was dead tired the next morning. He had been awoken by a nightmare, and didn't get any sleep after that. He still managed to put on a brave face the next morning, and brought Obi-Wan to a peaceful spot in the gardens to start the long process of meditation and work that was ahead of them. 

Xanatos felt the inkling of darkness surronding them, but couldn't place it. He'd felt it before, and it was getting stronger. It was a beautiful morning and he was pleased with the progress he thought he was making. The darkness he quickly accepted as being his own. Obi-Wan couldn't possibly be responsible for it. 

He had planned on returning to his apartment a little after tenth hour. His fears about the nightmare coming true were starting to fade. Obi-Wan had been quiet, but hadn't been completely unresponsive. 

"I'm glad you believed in me, Obi-Wan." Xanatos smiled as they stood outside his apartment door. "To have your trust is very important to me." 

Obi-Wan, after a moment, gave a small smile and a nod. "Thank you." 

Xanatos gave a quick nod himself. "Your welcome." 

The door swished open, and the happy mood he had been in suddenly faded as Xanatos' eyes saw the damaged state his apartment was in. Lamps had been smashed, the couch over turned, and broken pieces of various things were scattered across the floor. Quickly pulling out his comm unit, Xanatos called floor security. 

"I'm certain some one broke in. I left the door locked, like I always do. It could be nothing else." Xanatos reported as he turned his data set over to search for damage when the security officer arrived. 

The floor security nodded. "We've got no reports of anyone entering or exiting your door this morning except you." 

"Well maybe your reports are wrong because there is no way I would have done this. Both Obi-Wan and I have been out all morning." Xanatos watched as Obi-Wan picked up leather bound book off the floor. Obi-Wan looked up at Xanatos and shrugged. 

Their companion pulled out his comm unit and hit a button on the underside. It flashed. Xanatos recognized the signal and frowned. He knew that was a call for other guards to come as backup. Xanatos took a quick glance at Obi-Wan, then back at the guard. 

"You think I did this?" Xanatos asked in disbelief. "That's impossible." 

Keeping his distance, the guard looked at Xanatos closely. He tucked his comm unit back under his cloak. "You'll have your chance to explain yourself in front of the council, Knight MesToles." 

Xanatos clenched his fists together and felt his mouth go dry. He caught a glimpse of Obi-Wan in the corner of his eyes, taking a long step backward. Reasons and actions raced through Xanatos' mind but they all ended in Obi-Wan. He could throw a fit and get drug off by guards, again, or just stand and take it. Yesterday's altercation had left him with a short line to walk, and he would jump right off the edge. If he didn't have Obi-Wan. 

Taking a long drawn out breath, Xanatos let his head drop onto his chest. He'd have to wait it out. 

* * *

Obi-Wan wasn't sure what to think. He knew that Xanatos hadn't done it. He had left with him that morning, and they were never apart. He could have stuck up for him, but he had chosen to keep his mouth shut. Together, they waited in silence in the council waiting room. 

Xanatos looked very distant. Obi-Wan could almost feel the bitterness in his thoughts. Obi-Wan studied the side of Xanatos face. He sat with his head back against the wall, with his eyes closed. He didn't look any different, so why had he suddenly started acting differently? 

The door opened, but Xanatos didn't move. Obi-Wan saw one of his eyes slide open to look at the door, then he closed them again. 

"Knight MesTelos?" The guard that had brought them there stood in the doorway, staring at them. Obi-Wan watched Xanatos, and he didn't move. 

"I'm not going in alone." Xanatos finally replied, coolly. 

The guard glanced inside, then back at them. He gave a small nod. 

Xanatos shifted his weight, then pushed himself to his feet. He smirked to himself, then looked at Obi-Wan. "Let's go, Obi-Wan." 

Obi-Wan himself sat motionless for a moment. What was he going to say if he was asked a question? He didn't want any of this, but he had to follow. Trying not to appear reluctant, Obi-Wan followed Xanatos into the council chamber. 

* * *

It was either lucky or unlucky that there were only two councilors waiting for them. Master Yoda and Master Windu didn't look pressed for time, but didn't look too happy to be there either. Xanatos let his eyes drop onto the floor. He knew he looked guilty, but he didn't know what to say that could prove that wrong. 

"This is not the behavior of a Jedi Knight, Xanatos. You can't keep giving us excuses." Master Windu started quickly. 

Xanatos nodded. "I'm not offering any excuses, just the truth. And the truth is I…"

"When told often enough, the truth a lie becomes." Yoda said. 

"I've told no lies, Master." Xanatos replied, unsure of what the meaning of the comment was. 

Yoda seemed to be studying him rather intently, which was starting to unnerve Xanatos. "Told lies to no one, hmm? What of yourself? Lied to yourself, you have." 

"I only lie out of necessity. And only to myself." Xanatos quickly clarified. 

Yoda continued to analyze him. "Warned you, I have, about your thoughts. Careful of your thoughts, you should be. Inspire your words, they do. Careful of your words, hmm, inspire your actions they do. Careful of your actions, build habits they do. Habits, build your character. Careful of your character; destiny it decides." Yoda blinked his large eyes. "Lied to me, you have. No more trouble, hmm?" 

"That wasn't a lie. It was a broken promise." Xanatos answered, quietly. 

"Obi-Wan, if you could excuse us." Windu spoke up. 

Obi-Wan had kept his eyes low, and gave a small bow before turning to leave. Xanatos followed Obi-Wan, with his eyes, for a few seconds, before looking back to the two Jedi Masters. 

"We're worried abut your well being, Xanatos, we're not against you in any way." Mace started shortly after Obi-Wan left. Xanatos didn't like how the sentence started off just after Obi-Wan left. He made a quick conjecture, but waited for conformation. 

"We think it would be better if Obi-Wan was placed with another knight. We didn't want to do this, but you've left us little choice. Until you control your emotions, we…"

"Control?" Xanatos voice pitched as interrupted. He dropped to his knees. "I admit to have lost my control, but Obi-Wan is all that I have left to keep from completely loosing myself. I don't want Obi-Wan to suffer because of my mistakes, but taking him away from me will not solve anything. Masters you've said it yourselves that we can heal each other. I've felt that! Please, I will succeed if you have faith." 

Xanatos, his had down, couldn't see how the two others looked upon him with such sympathy. Shaking his head, Master Windu spoke up. 

"We knighted you on faith," He paused, "Rise, Knight." 

Xanatos didn't move. "I don't want any more suspicion, only your trust." 

"Trust cannot be promised, earned only it must be." Yoda's answered. 

"I can earn it." Xanatos, pushed himself up, and bowed. He would try his best. 

But would his best be good enough? The question sat at the back of his mind as he went back out into the hall. Obi-Wan looked up when he exited. He didn't move from where he sat, and looked to be waiting for Xanatos' signal. 

Xanatos managed a small smile and a nod. "We're free to go." 

_As long as I don't tackle anyone in the halls back._

Obi-Wan nodded back, and stood. "Didn't they want to speak to me?" 

Xanatos shook his head, puzzled. "Do they?" 

"No," Obi-Wan answered, "I was just wondering." 

"Oh," Xanatos folded his arms, "I think they dismissed me early because they're just getting plain tired of this. There are more important things to attend to, for them. And for us." Pausing, Xanatos took a final look at the council door. "I'm starting to understand why Qui-Gon disagreed with them so often." 

Obi-Wan took a quick glance at the door himself. "He didn't disagree with them. His philosophy was just different than theirs." 

"Different, or just wrong?" Xanatos asked, looking back to Obi-Wan. 

Obi-Wan bit his bottom lip, then shrugged. "He never told me." 

Xanatos gave a small smirk, but his stormy mood was still there. "He never told me either. Let's go, before they remember we're here." 

It was a quiet walk back to Xanatos' apartment. They arrived, and Xanatos let out an annoyed noise at the mess. Obi-Wan smiled a little at him, and Xanatos gave him a humored look. Obi-Wan didn't laugh, but he still smiled. 

Shrugging a little, Xanatos picked up a pillow off the floor. It had a large tear across the front. "It will take us a while to clean this up. I know that Cherek must have done this, he's the only one that I can imagine would." 

"Why?" Obi-Wan asked, stepping aside, not knowing what to do. 

"He's got some plan in mind." Xanatos sighed. "I know it." Pausing, Xanatos surveyed the mess again. Broken pieces of various things would make it hard to walk without boots. "There's a broom in the closet, grab it and we can clean this up." 

Dipping his head in agreement, Obi-Wan ducked off. He returned a few seconds later, holding the broom. Xanatos gave some directions, and they started to their tasks. Xanatos was silent the rest of the time, mulling over his thoughts. Obi-Wan was just quietly doing his chores. He tried not to look at Xanatos, and did the best he could. They finally had to look at each other again to turn over the couch. Xanatos eyes looked troubled when Obi-Wan looked into them, so he shied away. They flipped the couch upright with no problem, and then surveyed the apartment. 

"We're a good team." Xanatos said, placing his hands on his hips. 

"For maids." Obi-Wan replied. 

Xanatos smirked. "Better Jedi than maids, and I'm sure the council will take that suggestion." 

**End Chapter Five**


	7. Chapter Six

**Chapter Six**

Although it didn't seem that way, the day had went by quickly. Xanatos had appeared more and more tired towards the end of the day, and Obi-Wan was glad about that. Xanatos was attentive and could usually pick up on a lot of things. His alertness wasn't strong today, and he was so tired he had fallen asleep on the couch. 

Obi-Wan had been sitting next to him, quietly reading, and shifted his weight to get a better look at him. His head was leaning against the back and his breathing was slow. Obi-Wan turned off his data-pad, and set it on the table in front of him. He tried not to make a noise as he shifted off of the couch. 

Xanatos hadn't noticed how Obi-Wan had fooled him throughout the day. He'd acted friendly and talkative. Xanatos was troubled by his own thoughts, and his fatigue, had not seen through the falseness. Obi-Wan's true thoughts had remained his own. Not even the council had read him. 

Now, he had his chance. 

He pressed a few keys on the data-pad, and the screen changed. He had his written his note when he realized Xanatos had fallen asleep. Now, there wasn't much left to do but go. 

Xanatos looked very peaceful as he slept. But this had to be done, Obi-Wan told himself. He turned away, and started for the door. Not many people would be in the then halls all the way to the gardens. Obi-Wan had to leave now, while he had the chance. 

Since the training bond had been broken between he and Xanatos, there had been silent thoughts in his head. They had been minor things that had crept up into his head that had sounded completely unlike him. They weren't his thoughts. They were telling him to do things that had never crossed his mind before. They were telling him to hurt himself. 

Now, since these thoughts were not his, where were they coming from? After Xanatos seemed willing to abandon and lie to him, Obi-Wan drew a conclusion that it was the Force giving him messages. It had seemed so concrete, but here now…he wasn't so sure. 

He stopped just before the door. He wavered. He couldn't do it. Falling to his knees, Obi-Wan shook his head. This wasn't right. 

"I know you're not the Force, leave me alone." He whispered. "I know it now." 

He looked up at the door. Whatever was trying to trick him into hurting himself, was waiting behind the door. He quickly pushed himself to his feet, and turned to bolt away. 

Suddenly, the door opened and a pair of hands reached in and pulled him out into the hall. He tried to yell out, but he was quickly silenced. He struggled, but he was weakened by a quick Force suggestion. The door to Xanatos' apartment shut, and Obi-Wan fell into a forced sleep, not seeing his assailant. Still, Xanatos slept. 

Xanatos wasn't dreaming. His sleep was from pure exhaustion, and he didn't realize he had fallen asleep on the couch. He didn't usually nod off at any time, but today he couldn't put his exhaustion out of his mind. It was a heavy presence that accumulated over the day.

After he and Obi-Wan had cleaned up, they spent some time meditating and then ate. Xanatos seemed at a loss for what to do next, but Obi-Wan suggested they just read together. Xanatos agreed, but couldn't stay awake for too long. 

His dreamless sleep started to fade as his worries started to intrude. He and Obi-Wan had started to work together well, again. Now if nothing interrupted it, things would turn out all right. Unfortunately, there was some one out there who was trying to stop that. And he was sure that that some one was Cherek. An image of Cherek swirled into his mind like a dark mist. 

Stirring, Xanatos tried to get the idea from his head. He just didn't trust Cherek and his motives. 

But he could be wrong. Cherek could just be trying to help him and Obi-Wan. And Jericho's transport could have malfunctioned. And random mercenaries could have taken his master from him. 

An image of Qui-Gon came to his mind. This image was pleasant, but his feelings of regret and sorrow seemed to outweigh the good. 

His thoughts turned back to Cherek, The things that had gone on surronding Cherek were too powerful for him to accomplish on his own. The hiding of his mind, the deceitful planning and manipulation were all too advanced for some one like him. He had to have had help, if he did it. But who? 

_I know I can figure it out, but it will just take too long. He's going to win, and it will all be in vain. _Xanatos sighed mentally. 

//Nothing is in vain if you truly believe in it.// 

Xanatos shifted in his sleep. Was that his thought or just a memory? 

//You're too close to turn back now, Padawan.// 

Xanatos heart leapt. //Master?// His eyes fluttered open, his mind suddenly jump started from such a peaceful state into full alertness. He got to his feet too quickly to look around, and he stumbled. Only to be caught by strong arms. 

Xanatos, light headed, thought he was surly dreaming again when he looked up. His master, Qui-Gon, was here, holding him gently. He was shaded in blue tones, but was just as Xanatos remembered. "This can't be real." 

"It is, Xan." Qui-Gon gave him a small smile. "You should never have lost faith in the Force. It has and will never let you down." 

"I can't believe that. It took you away from me, and didn't give me anything in return. I did try, Master. But, not hard enough." Xanatos tried to calm his trembling. "I let you down. I let everyone down." 

"You've let no one down but yourself, Xanatos. You've carried your own blame and that has kept you from making your realization earlier. You left yourself open to be exploited by the ones who want to hurt you." Qui-Gon caressed his cheek. 

Xanatos, his thoughts inarticulate, only managed to stare. Finally words cane back to him. "I never should have stopped looking for you. I could have prevented all of this." 

"Xani, whether you like it or not, this was the will of the Force." 

Xanatos narrowed his eyes. "Than the Force has willed me to be alone and powerless to stop anyone from treating me like dirt. Master, no one trusts me because I can't trust myself to do the right thing. I tried with Obi-Wan, but he…he can't trust me. I don't want to make anymore mistakes." 

"The only mistake you can make with Obi-Wan, Xanatos, is letting him down when he needs you. He's the future, and will be a great Jedi knight. As you are." Qui-Gon saw the confusion on Xanatos' face. "You are a great Jedi Knight, and you will become greater with time." 

"Was it Cherek?" Xanatos asked. "Tell me, Master, is Cherek behind all of this?" 

"Cherek is a pawn in a much greater plan. You've got to stop him before he continues that plan, and hurts Obi-Wan." Qui-Gon said, his eyes never leaving Xanatos' face. 

Xanatos frowned. "Obi-Wan? But he's here, he's safe…" Xanatos looked to his side, where Obi-Wan had been. He wasn't there anymore. He quickly looked back to Qui-Gon, panicked. "If he's not here, where is he?" 

"Follow your faith, and you will find him." Qui-Gon put a hand on Xanatos shoulder. "You've got to hurry, Xani." 

Xanatos nodded, slowly. "But there is still so much that I never got to say to you." 

"I do hear you when you think you're taking to yourself. But you should stop doing that; your thoughts of me are enough." Qui-Gon closed his eyes, hearing something that only he could hear. "Hurry. You do not have much time." 

Feeling a comforting touch to his mind, Xanatos closed his own eyes, and when he opened them Qui-Gon was gone. Swallowing his tears, Xanatos nodded to himself, but didn't know where to start. He quickly looked down, his eyes being pulled towards the data-pad on the table. He scanned the message, and he clenched the pad in his fist. Dropping the pad, he turned towards the door. 

The situation was so much more real now. 

Following the faintest link that still bound him to Obi-Wan, Xanatos ran on blind faith in it. He knew he must have passed many strange looks, but now he knew that they didn't matter. What mattered was the future, and that future had been in front of his eyes the whole time. He just had to look passed his blindness, and into the moment. 

The gardens were dark, the path lights down and only the pale light from the moon and the passing traffic cast down. Activating his yellow bladed lightsaber, Xanatos followed with the Force. He had not followed the Force in so long, and if he had it was never this strong. But there was something wrong here. He pushed it off as paranoia, as he emerged into a clearing. 

"Obi-Wan?" He called. 

His earlier unrest had drained away, and he quickly spotted a prone Obi-Wan laying beneath a tree in the far corner of the clearing. Powering down his lightsaber, Xanatos crossed the expanse in few steps. He reached Obi-Wan's side, and knelt. Scanning him, Xanatos quickly noticed how the clouded Force was around the boy. He'd been forced to sleep. 

And used as bait. 

Quickly reactivating his lightsaber, Xanatos swirled away from Obi-Wan. He swept the darkened area. "Cherek! I know you're here!" 

There was no answer. 

Xanatos shifted his weight from side to side in impatience. He called again, watching the tree line for movement. 

"You can't hide forever." He muttered. 

"Are you sure?" Came the taunting voice. 

"I've never been more sure in my life." Xanatos said to himself. 

"You'll have to speak up, I'm having trouble hearing you." Cherek stepped out into the dim light, his eyes gleaming. 

"What have you done to him, Cherek? He's never had any contest with you." Xanatos gritted his teeth, and took a step towards Cherek, still trying to guard Obi-Wan from any advance Cherek may make. 

His face, cast in the silver light, looked ghostly, as Cherek smiled. "He may not have a personal contest with me, but he does have a great affect on all of us. Unfortunately, he wasn't as easy to manipulate as you." 

As Cherek emphasized on the last word, Xanatos took a step forward. "I knew it was you." 

"Did you?" Cherek took his own step towards where Xanatos stood. "I'm surprised you figured that one out." 

Xanatos didn't reply. The taunts were starting to wear on what tiny patience he had. The anger he felt seemed to be boosted by Cherek, like some sort of amplifier. He had to have a clear head. He couldn't give Cherek the advantage. 

"Listen to me!" Cherek yelled. Xanatos' expression didn't change as he continued to stare at Cherek. "He's stronger than you, Xan. I couldn't get him to cut himself, like I did you." 

Xanatos blinked. 

"If you haven't figured it out, I've been in your head for a long time. _I'm_ the one that caused your depression. I was so close to having you kill yourself, if it wasn't for your master, we wouldn't be here. I came close with his padawan here, but he…oh he's special. He wouldn't go through with it." Cherek grinned. 

"You're the one that stole his memories," Xanatos was starting to lose his fragile hold on his emotions, "and you're the one that killed my master. You're going to pay, Cherek." 

"No, you're the one that's going to pay." Cherek reached into his pocket, and pulled out something that glistened in the moonlight. He tossed it at Xanatos feet.. "Remember when you used to have back up plans, Xan? Well I created one. I laced it with poison. It would have made it impossible for you to keep him alive because of it's hemophiliac properties." 

Xanatos felt futility start to swirl around him as he stared at the blade at his feet. "You meant to kill us both." 

"You really should start disposing of dangerous things properly, Xan." Cherek folded his arms. 

Xanatos glared. "I've beaten you at everything in your life, Cherek, what makes you think you can win now? Obi-Wan is going to recover, and you'll be ousted from the order for having the dark touch you. You're finished." 

"Maybe you're the one who's finished, Xanatos." Cherek frowned. "I don't think the council will put up with another out burst, and any more problems." 

"Fuck you, Cherek." Xanatos gave a heated reply. 

Cherek growled. He activated the saber, and it came to life as a brilliant red blade. "Think you can beat me at my own game? I've played in your head for so long that there is nothing you can best me at." 

"Now, it's your turn to be certain." Xanatos answered. 

Xanatos took a few running steps and leapt towards Cherek, and slashed at him. Cherek was weaker with the saber, and fell back instantly when he tried to deflect it. Xanatos charged towards the fallen his fallen opponent, readying to attack him on the ground. But Cherek managed to bring his saber up to meet Xanatos'. 

Cherek struggled to his feet, and swung his saber at Xanatos. His slices were quick, but had little power in them. Xanatos easily blocked them, and he landed a burn across Cherek's shoulder. Cherek snarled, and tried to get some retribution, but ended up only getting driven towards the edge of a pond. 

Xanatos spun, and kicked Cherek's lightsaber from his hands and into the water. It sparked and hissed as it was extinguished. 

Xanatos deactivated his saber. "That's it Cherek, no more tricks. I'm tired of having you in my head." 

Cherek glanced at the pond, then took a step towards Xanatos. He narrowed his eyes. "But I'm not done yet." 

Faster than Xanatos could react, Cherek brought out a second lightsaber and cracked hard against Xanatos cheek. The flash of pain in his face made Xanatos reel backwards and drop his saber. Cradling his bruised, or even broken, cheek bone, Xanatos staggered and fell onto the ground. 

"That's for hitting me." Cherek stared as he activated the new saber he held. "Recognize this." The brilliant green of his master's saber made Xanatos' blue eyes burn. His jaw was starting to numb as the pain spread from his cheek all over his face. He looked over desperately at Obi-Wan. The boy was still laying there, under Cherek's influence. 

Xanatos tried to reach out with the Force to Obi-Wan, but he was deflected by Cherek's presence. Xanatos focused harder. //Obi-Wan.// 

"He wont be able to help you, Xan." Cherek shot a look over his shoulder at Obi-Wan, then back to Xanatos. "You always had to be perfect. You were younger than me by years, but you still managed to get a master before me. I was jealous beyond belief, and then I heard you were going to be knighted. I could never be a knight because of you…you took my life from me, and now I've got my second chance to take your life from you." 

//Please, Obi-Wan. //

Xanatos tried to reach for his saber, but Cherek flung it across the clearing and into a tree. Cherek pointed Qui-Gon's lightsaber at Xanatos and grinned. 

//Obi-Wan, fight Cherek. He's controlling you! You did it before.// 

"He may have beat me once, but I don't make mistakes. Just like you. The old you, anyhow." Cherek wound up and landed a solid kick to Xanatos' chest, driving the air from his lungs. Gasping, Xanatos rolled into his side. 

//Obi-Wan!// Xanatos shouted mentally, feeling Obi-Wan stirring. 

//Xanatos?// Obi-Wan gave a sleepy reply. //What's happening?// 

//However you overcame him before, break his bonds. Help me.// Xanatos pleaded. 

//What's going on?// Obi-Wan demanded. //Why can't I get up?// 

//Fight him, Obi-Wan!// Xanatos gave a mental shout. 

//I don't think I can…//

//Yes,// Xanatos stared at Cherek as he tried to reach out to Obi-Wan, //you can. You're stronger than me. You've always been stronger. I couldn't beat him, but you can. I believe in you.// 

Xanatos didn't feel a response, and felt a jab of regret. He couldn't reach Obi-Wan. He had failed. 

"Time to say hello to your master, Xanatos." Cherek held the lightsaber close enough to Xanatos' neck that he could feel the hair on his neck bristle. "Your padawan wont be far behind you." 

Xanatos closed his eyes at the word. 

"No I wont." 

The voice surprised them both. Cherek turned, and Xanatos reacted as fast as he could. He rolled to his feet and threw a kick at Cherek's head. His neck snapped back, and he fell to the ground. Xanatos look across the distance at Obi-Wan, and gave a crooked smile. He stumbled forward, but caught himself with a hand. 

Obi-Wan gave a small smile in return, before his eyes rolled back into his head and he slumped to his knees before hitting the ground. Xanatos groaned, his head swimming. He rolled to his knees, and grabbed Qui-Gon's lightsaber from Cherek's hand. 

"That's not yours, filthy bastard." He muttered. 

He turned away and moved as quickly as he could to get to Obi-Wan. He was alive. Xanatos was unconsciously smiling against the pain. They had reformed the bond, and it seemed permanent. He reached out, hoping to wake Obi-Wan. 

Instead, his mind was flooded with images. Memories. Obi-Wan's memories. Frantic flashes of remembrances and emotions that he was unable to make sense of. 

Focusing, Xanatos tried to find something to anchor onto; Obi-Wan. 

//Obi-Wan?// 

It was like standing in a storm, with everything swirling around him, but out of the turmoil a mental image of Obi-Wan stepped out. //I remember this, Xanatos.// 

//This isn't clear to me, Obi-Wan.// Xanatos shook his head. //What's going on?// 

Obi-Wan stilled the world around them, so one clear image shone through. It was like standing in a dream, to Xanatos. Some things were more clear than others. Some objects were obscured, but Xanatos began to make sense of it. In a barely lit cell of a ship, Xanatos saw Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon sitting against the wall of the cell. 

Obi-Wan's mental voice intruded. //This was when we were on that planet. I…I could never remember it before. Now I can.// 

//Cherek took your memories. I'm sorry I never told you.// Xanatos replied. 

Obi-Wan, standing next to him in a mental image, shrugged. //I think if I would've tried hard enough, I could have remembered on my own.// 

Xanatos sighed. //What happened here?// 

Obi-Wan watched the image as it started around them. //This was the last night. The next morning, some one in a dark cape took me away and, well…you know that part.// 

Xanatos nodded for him to continue. 

//There was always some one watching us,// Obi-Wan continued, //Master knew that, so we didn't talk much. We used our bond. He was always telling me we would get out of there, and not to be afraid. I wasn't, just because he was there. The last night, he rebraided my braid. He was so weak! That made me so angry. They took his every day. I just sat there, waiting. When they brought him back, he was cut and bruised and bleeding and…I just couldn't do anything about it!// 

Xanatos let his eyes fall as the memory changed. Obi-Wan, walking down a long dirt road. Xanatos didn't have to ask as Obi-Wan began to explain again. 

//They told me, when I left, that Master was dead. That was all I knew.// Obi-Wan paused. //I'm sorry, Xanatos.// 

//Sorry for what?// Xanatos asked. 

//For not saving our master.// 

Xanatos grabbed Obi-Wan by the shoulders, and turned him to face him. //No, Obi-Wan. I see now that we've both been blaming ourselves. We've lost ourselves inside. Cherek tried to influence us, and he did because we were just looking for something to hide behind. Now, we've got nothing to stop us.// 

Obi-Wan looked away. 

Xanatos frowned. //We formed the bond on trust Obi-Wan, and I need to know it I can trust you.// 

//You can trust me.// Obi-Wan replied. 

//Good.// Xanatos closed his eyes, and focused on his own memories. 

The image swirled, and Obi-Wan looked around. //What's happening?// 

//I need to show you something.// Xanatos answered. The memory around them transformed into a dark room. Obi-Wan took a step forward, as he saw something in the far corner of the room. 

//That's you.// Obi-Wan stated, recognizing Xanatos. 

Xanatos nodded. //With shorter hair.// 

Obi-Wan stood silent for a moment. //This was before you were supposed to be knighted. I recognize the white clothes.// He paused. //You look so sad.// 

Xanatos nodded. //I didn't think I deserved to be knighted. I got to me knighting on the blood of my father.// 

Obi-Wan looked at him, a question in his eyes. 

//I told you before, Obi-Wan, that my final trial was my undoing. The council decided to test me by giving me the choice between having power and wealth on my planet, or to being a knight. They sent me and Master to my home planet, Telos, where we were to…talk with my father. 

//My father was always angry that I had been taken by the Jedi. I thought he would be pleased with my success, and would let me become a knight with his blessings. Instead, he offered me money and power. He told me to turn against Master, and join him. He told me to prove my loyalty by striking down Master. I couldn't do it. My father called me weak, and tried to attack Master. I stepped between them, and…and I struck down my father.// 

Obi-Wan looked from the young visage of Xanatos in the memory, to the one standing beside him. //You did the right thing, though.// 

Xanatos nodded. //Master told me that, too, but I felt guilty for killing my father. I hid it, though. I thought showing my guilt was a weakness. I wanted to be knighted so badly, that I didn't think of the consequences that hiding my emotions would bring. On the transport back, I began to fall into a depression. 

//That's when,// Xanatos voice turned angry, //Cherek took advantage of me. He came over an congratulated me when I was being checked out in the healers. That night, I felt like I didn't deserve to be knighted. I decided that I couldn't disappoint Master by refusing to be knighted. At least, I thought it was my decision.// 

Obi-Wan shuddered as he watched the memory continue to play out. The young Xanatos brought a razor blade to his wrists. The blood dripped down, staining the white robes he was wearing. Obi-Wan couldn't move. How could anyone make another person do that themselves? 

//Did it hurt?// Obi-Wan meekly asked. 

Xanatos shrugged. //I was so confused that I refused to feel anything at all.// 

The memories faded away, and the too blinked awake. Xanatos winced as he cradled his face and sat up. Obi-Wan sat up, and looked right to Xanatos. 

"I'm sorry for anything I may have done to hurt you." Obi-Wan said. 

Xanatos glanced over. //You've helped me, more than hurt me.// 

Obi-Wan smiled, and pushed himself to his feet, and Xanatos followed. Obi-Wan strode over to Cherek, and nudged him with his boot. He looked over to Xanatos and smiled. 

"You hit him good." Obi-Wan grinned. 

Xanatos was about to reply, when unexpectedly, Cherek's hand reached out and grabbed Obi-Wan's foot. In a blur of motion, Cherek had Obi-Wan by the neck. Cherek smiled at the look of surprise on Xanatos' face. Xanatos clenched Qui-Gon's lightsaber in hand. 

"Don't count me out, not yet." Cherek hissed. 

Xanatos activated the saber, unable to speak. 

"What's wrong, Xanatos, wookie got your tongue?" Cherek laughed. He reached out with the Force, and brought the blade to his hand. Xanatos tried to intercept it, with his hand, but the blade nicked his fingers, and continued on its way to Cherek's hand. 

"Let me go." Obi-Wan demanded, squirming against Cherek's grip. 

Cherek sneered. "It's not that easy. You can't get away." 

Obi-Wan, taking a deep breath, ducked out of Cherek's grasp, and spun to kick. The kick landed firmly on Cherek's chest. Without having to look at Xanatos, Obi-Wan caught Qui-Gon's lightsaber as Xanatos threw it to him. 

"We've got you now, Cherek." Obi-Wan spoke for himself and for Xanatos. 

Cherek was finally caught. Xanatos was standing behind him, waiting for him to run. Obi-Wan was standing in front of him, pointing a lightsaber at him. He looked, slowly, to the blade in his hand. Obi-Wan and Xanatos didn't move as Cherek brought the blade to his neck, and slit his own throat. 

Obi-Wan was calm as he sat in a hall chair, waiting for the healers. He didn't really hate being here, and had never really. He swung his legs, impatiently, and hummed to himself. He was happy. Finally, truly happy for the first time in a long while. 

He glanced up, as the doors swished open. Xanatos stepped out, and smiled. 

"Good as new." He rubbed his jaw and cheek, with a grin. 

"Great." Obi-Wan hopped out of his chair. "What did Master Windu have to say?" 

Xanatos smiled brightly. "We've been cleared. We're completely free of any dark influence. Before we return to duties, though, we've got some vacation time." 

"Good, I'm going to need it." Obi-Wan smiled. "I've really missed talking to Bant." 

Xanatos nodded, and the two started towards the lift. "I know I owe Sade a big apology. And the council. And just about everybody else." 

Obi-Wan laughed. There was a silence as they entered the lift. Xanatos sighed in the silence, then gave a small smile. 

"You told Jericho that you once feared that I would be your master." Xanatos smiled stayed. "I don't think you're afraid now." 

Obi-Wan grinned. "I'm not afraid of anything. I'm glad you're my master, Xanatos." 

Xanatos chuckled. "It will take me a while to get used to calling you 'padawan.'" 

"I wont mind getting called Obi-Wan. For a little while at least." The door opened and they stepped out into the hall. "It is my name, after all." 

Xanatos couldn't stop smiled. "I'm glad they fixed my cheek. I can't think about anything but smiling right now." 

The door to Xanatos' apartment opened as Obi-Wan thumbed the panel. "Me too." 

Together, the two stepped through the door and into the future, leaving their pasts behind them. 

** Epilogue **

The young Sith stepped off of the window ledge, and into his waiting craft. He frowned, and powered up the controls. He took off quickly, not to be detected. The auto-pilot took control, and guided him to his destination. 

As the port closed behind his craft, and the tiny ship completed landing procedures, he jumped out. He started to walk towards the lift, with a firm scowl on his face. His master would not be happy with this. He leaned against the wall of the lift as he thought of what to tell his master. 

Their plan had failed. It had been a long running plan that had taken years to instill. Everything should have worked out, but it didn't. The door swished open too quickly, and the Sith clenched his fists as he stepped out. 

"Maul, what have you to report?" The voice was commanding and went straight to his spine. 

He bowed, deeply. "No success, my Master." 

"I know." His master answered. 

Maul cocked his head as he rose from his bow. "And you're not angry, my Master?" 

His master cackled, and Maul fought back the reaction to step back. "Why should I be angry, my apprentice? This is a success is disguise. We've got our opportunity. The Force is in our favor." 

Maul frowned. "What do you mean, Master?" 

"Don't question me, apprentice." His Master answered. 

Maul readied himself to be struck, or thrown some where, but he wasn't. His master must be pleased with the vision he received. "May I go now, Master?" 

His master laughed. "Go, my apprentice." 

Maul bowed, and ducked out. Whatever his master was planning, it certainly was important if he wouldn't tell it to him. The Jedi wouldn't have much longer before they felt the true power of the Sith. And Maul could take care of that Padawan for good. He could never hurt that stupid boy when they had him and his master locked in their ship. Some day, Maul vowed. 

And hopefully, that some day wouldn't be to far in the future. 

**End**

(Comments? Questions? Flames? Just bring it!) 


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